Man. Your story is moderately depressing. xD Just some quick feedback:
A very good read so far, you've done a good job in character development so far. I don't feel sorry for characters often, but I definitely feel sorry for Richard. It seems a bit out of place for a DBZ RPG, but you've definitely crafted a great story so far. As a writer, you've done well with drawing in your reader's interest, as I actually facepalmed at some of the happenings throughout the thread, especially your last post and the poker game. Lazarus is making some poor decisions, but I can't exactly blame him, since his daughter's sick and all.
Don't really have a whole lot more to say at this point, honestly. I'm interested in reading more, so keep it up.
I'd love some C&C back, if you're feeling it. xD I'll continue reading regardless.
A very good read so far, you've done a good job in character development so far. I don't feel sorry for characters often, but I definitely feel sorry for Richard. It seems a bit out of place for a DBZ RPG, but you've definitely crafted a great story so far. As a writer, you've done well with drawing in your reader's interest, as I actually facepalmed at some of the happenings throughout the thread, especially your last post and the poker game. Lazarus is making some poor decisions, but I can't exactly blame him, since his daughter's sick and all.
Don't really have a whole lot more to say at this point, honestly. I'm interested in reading more, so keep it up.
I'd love some C&C back, if you're feeling it. xD I'll continue reading regardless.