07-05-2010, 12:07 AM
I very much liked the events that occurred in A Whole New World. The story elements were good, I enjoyed the fights and drama, and most importantly, I liked the human element that came through the story.
Sayans were being killed with guns, grenades and clever tricks, despite being these powerful beings from beyond the stars, bent on galactic conquest. It's those nice little twists that I think really help bring up a realistic interest in a storyline. The ability to adapt a mythology to suit a particular character and a particular audience. the whole mix of modern, real world flavor mixed with DBZ mythos is really fun and interesting.
One thing I think you could have spent a little more time on was the actual emotional spectrum that Piper was going through. I understand she feels like she's lost her humanity a little bit. I can see that she's traveling down a dangerous road with the morphine. I can see all this happening, but it might be advantageous to delve a little into her mind and the transitional stress she has to be going through. Perhaps there simply wasn't enough time to really get into it, but maybe next you might focus on how the large number or permanent changes to both her mind and body are affecting her on an emotional level when she has time to slow down and really appreciate how fucked everything is?
Once again, I loved this story. I waited for every new post.
PS: Vad really impressed me with that. I dunno why, but I had a good time with his input. More than usual, that is.
Sayans were being killed with guns, grenades and clever tricks, despite being these powerful beings from beyond the stars, bent on galactic conquest. It's those nice little twists that I think really help bring up a realistic interest in a storyline. The ability to adapt a mythology to suit a particular character and a particular audience. the whole mix of modern, real world flavor mixed with DBZ mythos is really fun and interesting.
One thing I think you could have spent a little more time on was the actual emotional spectrum that Piper was going through. I understand she feels like she's lost her humanity a little bit. I can see that she's traveling down a dangerous road with the morphine. I can see all this happening, but it might be advantageous to delve a little into her mind and the transitional stress she has to be going through. Perhaps there simply wasn't enough time to really get into it, but maybe next you might focus on how the large number or permanent changes to both her mind and body are affecting her on an emotional level when she has time to slow down and really appreciate how fucked everything is?
Once again, I loved this story. I waited for every new post.
PS: Vad really impressed me with that. I dunno why, but I had a good time with his input. More than usual, that is.