08-10-2010, 03:43 AM
7.5/10
You know I dig Vad as a character and, although I don't really know her that well, I'm starting to like Bekah too (although she's a raging closet whore, if you ask me). As I've told you before, I think you're at your best in action. Sometimes your non-action scenes tend to be dry, and seem to be rushed. For instance, if Vad is having an intense emotional scene with his mistress, it is not uncommon for the description and depth to be rushed in such a way that the reader does not feel the same amount of emotion as I know you felt when you wrote it. But that comes with time, I'm certainly no master of emotional descriptiveness, not the happy emotions at least.
Also, sometimes in battle scenes, as well as other, more generic scenes, I think your mind is peddling faster than your fingers. By that I mean there are gaps in the action that I can't always follow so easily, but I know what you mean (because I've read so much of your work). Other people might not. My suggestion would be just to slow down a little bit.
More importantly, you have a better grasp on who your character is than anyone else on this site, hands down, no questions asked. You're extremely creative and, unlike myself, character interaction and character development with other PCs is one of your strong points. Your structure is improving, as is your vocabulary and grammar. The more i read, the higher your average 'score' out of ten goes. A year ago I might have said a 7, now it's a 7.5, keep this up and you'll be writing 9's and 10's in no time. You're an example of perseverance and improvement.
Keep it up guy.
You know I dig Vad as a character and, although I don't really know her that well, I'm starting to like Bekah too (although she's a raging closet whore, if you ask me). As I've told you before, I think you're at your best in action. Sometimes your non-action scenes tend to be dry, and seem to be rushed. For instance, if Vad is having an intense emotional scene with his mistress, it is not uncommon for the description and depth to be rushed in such a way that the reader does not feel the same amount of emotion as I know you felt when you wrote it. But that comes with time, I'm certainly no master of emotional descriptiveness, not the happy emotions at least.
Also, sometimes in battle scenes, as well as other, more generic scenes, I think your mind is peddling faster than your fingers. By that I mean there are gaps in the action that I can't always follow so easily, but I know what you mean (because I've read so much of your work). Other people might not. My suggestion would be just to slow down a little bit.
More importantly, you have a better grasp on who your character is than anyone else on this site, hands down, no questions asked. You're extremely creative and, unlike myself, character interaction and character development with other PCs is one of your strong points. Your structure is improving, as is your vocabulary and grammar. The more i read, the higher your average 'score' out of ten goes. A year ago I might have said a 7, now it's a 7.5, keep this up and you'll be writing 9's and 10's in no time. You're an example of perseverance and improvement.
Keep it up guy.
![[Image: alext.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/waffuru/alext.jpg)