[Mercy] Failure To Communicate

[John Doe]

A dozen mighty iguanas heaved and hoed the man through the hallway of ripened tomatoes. A constant giggle escaped from Doe's clutches, forming into balloons riding waves of snow-white crystals and turquoise elephants. A single, consistent thought could not be formed while raindrops of peppermints and xylophones fell from the gumdrop sky.

"This guy is getting heavy." One of the iguanas had spoken out to his brethren. It arched itself away from the legs it was carrying, placing them on the ground. "Let's take a break." The others followed suit, and slithered Doe down like the ragdoll he was. He fell on floating glass saucers, and ascended towards the clouds above. Flocks of sheep roamed past the hazed, suit-wearing gentleman. As Doe admired the beauty of the drove, he turned his head to spot a single rocket-shaped kite, hovering by his side. As he reached out to grasp it, the kite soared away. "Ok, let's go." The lizards returned their hold of the man, and returned to their stride.

***

"My throat is a robot."

A muted, wheezy laughter gushed out of Doe, still stuck in his stoned stupor. The soldiers who had been hauling him stared forward, unamused. Only a few minutes had passed since they found him, but Doe hadn't made it a pleasant time. He constantly spewed gibberish while wiggling about, trying to reach out for the "dancing cheeseburger antelopes" he saw out in the distance. Both of them had considering just shooting the saboteur and calling it a day. As they reached the metal doors of the headquarters, the militiamen sighed with relief. Doe continued his breathless laughter.

Right on the mark, the metal doors opened wide to reveal the imposing General Fightmaster, standing in front of a platoon of troops. He paused mid-stride when the pathway revealed the young soldiers blocking his way, carrying the nearly unconscious Doe by the limbs. On sight, the two men dropped the suit-wearing prisoner on the ground and positioned their arms in a salute. Doe landed on the ground with a thud, and made a muffled moan.

"Ay thunk Ay bweat mah tawngun!"

Doe rolled around on the floor with his hand over his mouth, mixing quiet whimpers with stifled cackles. The commander looked down at the mess of a man, still flopping about absurdly. Fightmaster pulled out the picture of the intruder, eyeing both the man and the still image before turning to the two saluting militia. "This really the rat who's been destroying my station?" They nodded in unison.

"PEEEEEEEEEEEPS!"

The general and his men jolted their attention to the man in the dark suit, his sudden outburst catching them off guard. Doe lurched up from his rested pose and launched into the air. Both feet slammed into the floor, creating a crater around himself. He looked around himself at the colorful creatures eyeing him, giant bird-like candy creations. Each one wore the same solid, black eyes. Red, yellow, green, and blue beaked beasts crowded all around him, continuing their blank stares. A large, mustached peep stood forward, sprouted a cigar from its beak, and spoke. "Get em boys!"

Doe had the munchies.

A peep felt bare knuckles drive into its plushy skull, as white, marshmellowy goodness spewed out from the depression that was once its head. Doe wasted no time as he leapt towards another candy creature, driving his head forward and into its stomach. The bird coughed up its insides and collapsed to Doe's side. Another peep ran towards Doe, suddenly sprouting a bayonet from its squishy exterior. It trust it forward, but missed its target. The overcoat ripped as Doe plunged his fingers inside the peep's eye, pulling out its black, button-like eye. Doe popped the marshmallow eye into his mouth and chomped down. White goo dripped from his mouth, and he nearly gagged at the taste. "Ugh, you guys out of season already?"

The peeps rang out cries of war, firing out candy corn from their beaks. The kernels barraged Doe from all sides, ripping through his. The man pulled out both pistols from his overcoat and returned fire. The wad of candy critters fell in a pile together. He spun around and fired carelessly, spraying bullets all around. He was only stopped by a fist that entered his face. Doe flew backwards and crashed into the wall, and was face to moustache with the large general.

Fightmaster yanked a cylinder shaped device off of his belt. He pressed the button on the top of the capsule and tossed it into the air above him, exploding into a comical cloud of smoke. After the smoke cleared, a large cigar, nearly as long as the general was tall, feel from the plume and landed in the officer's arms. Fightmaster swung the cigar around him like a bo staff, before resting it by his side. "Alright, now let's see how you fare against somebody your own size, boy."