[C&C] Piper J.

[Victoria]

So I just read all of "The Fame Monster" and I have to say that I rather enjoyed it. There are a lot of good things in it, a few things I noticed that could be considered for future writing, but overall I think as a reader it looks like you have a good handle on the character.

First of all, the few things I noticed, you tend to use the phrase "within a beat", or variations of it, quite a bit. Not too bad but you could mix it up a little. Other than that, there were a few typos here and there, but nothing really too bad.

When I first read the thread I was worried it would be nothing but fighting and random shenanigans of Viper. I did enjoy her want for life, it was interesting, and I was mildly surprised that she was taken out. In the end it worked beautifully to set up Piper for her mission, and the Dragon Balls.

Piper is a really great character. I think I already told you but I LOVE how you drew inspiration from Charmed. Because yes, when she said "Alien Rifle" and it appeared in her hand, I heard Paige's voice in my head. Not only that, but, it's AWESOME and very unique how Piper (I haven't read much of your old stuff, but it happened a lot in this thread) uses her surroundings to survive. She's seemingly ill-trained as far as a ki warrior would be. But so what? She uses guns, helmets, suites of armor, and wins on sheer strength and luck. I mean...it doesn't get any better than a SHIP getting torn in half...Great imagery.

Not to mention, the sexual tension is JUST enough, not too much, but it's there. Also, I enjoyed the mystery around Alejandro, I hope he remains a recurring character (long-time pseudo villain?). Honestly, reading this thread only made me enjoy your work as a writer even more, and enjoy Piper as a character even more (is it bad that I think it would be hot to...never mind.)

I'm glad I graded your thread. I can't wait to read the rest of it once you post it up.