[C&C] Moyki

[Moyki]

yes, this is my c&c thread. All my writings that I want feedback on will be posted here.

So, my first post is up in my first thread for Moyki. Been forever since I wrote. So I request feedback.

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread....post550733


I would like on going feedback on this story as it progresses.

edit: also, it would be great if moderators could clean up some of the [captions for commands] for me as they go along. not asking for an editor, just would be nice if u see bolded words messed up or something to go along and correct it.