02-25-2011, 05:05 AM
I'll storyline C&C once you put another post up (I never read prologues as an indication of the authors merit since they're usually a "let's get you up to speed" kinda deal).
The only comments I have so far are such (2 & 3 are grammar nitpicks):
1) I think you've got an interesting premise
2) Try to avoid starting sentences with conjunctions: and/but/or/yet. Or, separate them from the rest of the sentence with a comma if you feel it is necessary (See what I did there?).
3) Watch the use of indefinite pronouns. If you use she, he, it, or they, make sure it's clear who you're talking about. Generally, the subject of sentence A should be the subject of sentence B if B is a pronoun. "George and Regina walked to the mall with their dogs. They were smelly." Who is 'they' referring to, the dogs or the people?
The only comments I have so far are such (2 & 3 are grammar nitpicks):
1) I think you've got an interesting premise
2) Try to avoid starting sentences with conjunctions: and/but/or/yet. Or, separate them from the rest of the sentence with a comma if you feel it is necessary (See what I did there?).
3) Watch the use of indefinite pronouns. If you use she, he, it, or they, make sure it's clear who you're talking about. Generally, the subject of sentence A should be the subject of sentence B if B is a pronoun. "George and Regina walked to the mall with their dogs. They were smelly." Who is 'they' referring to, the dogs or the people?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
If life gives you lemons, hand them to me!
I've got a great recipe for lemon meringue pie.
If life gives you lemons, hand them to me!
I've got a great recipe for lemon meringue pie.