03-13-2011, 06:21 PM
Whoot to the first completed quest! Congrats, guys!
C&C:
I really liked that you two brought a twist to the story beyond just making it about a haunted wreck. Also, you get an super A+ for effort: you wrote double the "guideline" amount of words for a medium quest, and it was all quality writing to boot. I actually kind of wish this would have been a hard quest: I was really intrigued by the story and didn't want it to end!
You both have kind of different writing styles, but they seemed to mesh well together. Sometimes two authors joining up can be too jarring when they switch viewpoints, but you pulled it off. Kudos for that.
Sigfried, watch how you start your paragraphs. You tend to start with "Sigfried blah blah blah..." or "He blah blah blah" and it can get a tad repetitive. Vary the start of sentences ("While humming nervously, Sigfried blah blah"), make some first sentences about another subject that connects to Sigfried, ("The emptiness of the ship twisted Sigfried's stomach") and make a list of "synonyms" for Sigfried, such as 'the boy', 'the shapeshifter', and so on. Also, pythons don't crush their prey. They give them super hugs until they die of asphyxiation or cardiac arrest due to constricted blood vessels.
Piper, I felt you had a teensy bit too much exposition too soon. When Piper was having her vision in the middle post, it gave away everything about the shocking twist. I wish you would've held back a little bit more to leave the reader in some more suspense, like preserving the identity of the betrayer until the climax. Just a little something to keep in mind for the future.
Reward:
850z and 10XP
C&C:
I really liked that you two brought a twist to the story beyond just making it about a haunted wreck. Also, you get an super A+ for effort: you wrote double the "guideline" amount of words for a medium quest, and it was all quality writing to boot. I actually kind of wish this would have been a hard quest: I was really intrigued by the story and didn't want it to end!
You both have kind of different writing styles, but they seemed to mesh well together. Sometimes two authors joining up can be too jarring when they switch viewpoints, but you pulled it off. Kudos for that.
Sigfried, watch how you start your paragraphs. You tend to start with "Sigfried blah blah blah..." or "He blah blah blah" and it can get a tad repetitive. Vary the start of sentences ("While humming nervously, Sigfried blah blah"), make some first sentences about another subject that connects to Sigfried, ("The emptiness of the ship twisted Sigfried's stomach") and make a list of "synonyms" for Sigfried, such as 'the boy', 'the shapeshifter', and so on. Also, pythons don't crush their prey. They give them super hugs until they die of asphyxiation or cardiac arrest due to constricted blood vessels.
Piper, I felt you had a teensy bit too much exposition too soon. When Piper was having her vision in the middle post, it gave away everything about the shocking twist. I wish you would've held back a little bit more to leave the reader in some more suspense, like preserving the identity of the betrayer until the climax. Just a little something to keep in mind for the future.
Reward:
850z and 10XP
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
If life gives you lemons, hand them to me!
I've got a great recipe for lemon meringue pie.
If life gives you lemons, hand them to me!
I've got a great recipe for lemon meringue pie.