03-13-2011, 10:34 PM
Just finished reading it. Let's give this a shot...
Piper, it always makes me feel good inside when somebody uses a semicolon correctly. Solid writing overall, save for a typo or two. There was one point when you posed a question without using quotations or italics, and I was confused by it.
[To her amusement, the hatch had not only slammed shut, but the wheel had also been spun all the way to the locked position. Could you close these mechanisms from the other side? Frowning at the notion, the redhead grabbed the old wheel and gave it a tug, but for all of her super strength, Piper couldn’t get the stupid thing to budge.]
I didn't know if you wanted me to think that Piper said this aloud, thought it to herself, or the narrator asked the question. This is a much more nitpicky critic, but I'm still curious.
Sig, I like the way you write dialog. You seem to write it just how it would sound, which I think is called colloquialism. I know you get this a lot, but your posts would improve a good deal if you proofread them before posting. I noticed the use of "you" instead of "your" and the occasional typo here and there.
Reward: 750z and 5XP each
Piper, it always makes me feel good inside when somebody uses a semicolon correctly. Solid writing overall, save for a typo or two. There was one point when you posed a question without using quotations or italics, and I was confused by it.
[To her amusement, the hatch had not only slammed shut, but the wheel had also been spun all the way to the locked position. Could you close these mechanisms from the other side? Frowning at the notion, the redhead grabbed the old wheel and gave it a tug, but for all of her super strength, Piper couldn’t get the stupid thing to budge.]
I didn't know if you wanted me to think that Piper said this aloud, thought it to herself, or the narrator asked the question. This is a much more nitpicky critic, but I'm still curious.
Sig, I like the way you write dialog. You seem to write it just how it would sound, which I think is called colloquialism. I know you get this a lot, but your posts would improve a good deal if you proofread them before posting. I noticed the use of "you" instead of "your" and the occasional typo here and there.
Reward: 750z and 5XP each
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"I would happily blow 20 guys in an alley with bleedy dicks so I could
get AIDS then fuck a deer and kill it with my AIDS." - Louis C.K.
thanks waff
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