Quest: Ghost Ship (Space)

[Jonathan Meer]

Piper: Your two great strengths are the metaphor and linguistic pacing. You've got a good feel for what reads right and what doesn't. There's the occasional line that's somewhat unfortunate, but it's rather rare, and is quickly swallowed up by other, better lines.

I haven't read any of your stuff before, I have to admit. I don't know who Mel is, I don't really know who Piper is, and I don't really understand the whole 'Sarge' thing. But this has given me a good reason to find out. Good shit.

Piper's Reward: 5 XP 800 Zeni

Sigfried: Some of your metaphors/similes are absolutely fantastic 'hanging open like sores on a corpse.' Some of them are less so. Overall, your posts need a good dose of proofreading, perhaps after letting them sit for a day. Lines like "He wasn’t in the mood to play horror movie by ignoring an obvious transaction with some kind of demon ship just because he had his nerves rattled and he sure as shit wasn’t going to let some thick headed salvage halfwit kill him by trying to force ignorance upon him." just plain don't work.

But, you've got a feel for the genuine, the surprising, the unpredictable. Sigfried turning into a python was fucking awesome, but to have him disgusted by the taste in his mouth? Perfect way to cap off a post. Little details like that are what make an entire post, and you're quite good at them.

Sigfried's reward: 3 XP 600 Zeni