[BT1] Belle v Aero Review

[Victoria]

Okay, I'm gonna try to do this. I'm not very good at C&C though...

Belle,

I like how you used your NPC, but you didn't over use her, which is a plus. I admit that I was afraid you would depend on the NPC for filler, but it added a bit of an outside feel to your posts. The humor was good too, we all like a little humor, and I'm sure we were all waiting for the classic reminder of how scared of women Belle is.

The only thing I can point out about your writing is that your posts seem a little cut and dry. The age old rule of "show don't tell" comes to mind. Your detail could use some work, and there isn't a lot of depth to the style. There were a few typos and grammatical errors, so if you don't proof read, that would help.

Aero,

Your writing has some good depth, I like how you had some retrospective moments to give a feel for what the character is thinking/feeling. There was good detail put into the fighting, giving me a better picture of what was going on. I really liked how you included the announcer and incorporated the feel of an outside view.

I wasn't a huge fan of the OOC-esq inclusions, anything in the brackets could have been written in or narrated. It sort of threw off from the flow of reading the posts. Instead of saying "This is like a DBZ fight" write it like a DBZ fight. I'm not sure if you were trying to be humorous, but, from a writing point of view, I don't think it's correct. There were a few typos here and there, which tends to happen, so a good proof read will help with that.

Conclusion:

I found that overall the fight actually reminded me a lot of Naruto lol. Especially when Belle said to Aero that he figured him out, and when Aero was going to use his technique he hadn't perfected yet. Not that it was bad. It was pretty good, although, overall it still felt a little watered down.

Anyway, my vote will go to Aero. Both were good, but I enjoyed the detail and depth that Aero included in his writing.