03-20-2011, 09:24 PM
I should have posted my verdict earlier, and then everyone after me would have felt like a broken record other than the opposite way around, bah. It doesn't help that I positively suck at stuff like this ~_~. Well, let's give it a whirl.
Belle: I thought your strongest work was the second half of your first post and the first half of your second post. It was well-paced and kept me engaged in what was going on as a reader. The break in the middle with the humor was funny, but it pulled me out of the scene. For me as a reader, it killed the momentum I saw you building and made the end of your second post less dramatic than it would have been if everything had been working up to that point. Your use of the NPC didn't bother me a whole lot.
Aero: Too many parenthetical citations in your writing. More than one in a post always leaves me furrowing my brow. You can always try to incorporate them in more varied fashions if you like them as a staple (perhaps make some of them into internal quips or whatnot, it will keep them from jarring the reader, I suppose). I do like the style of your writing. It reflects Aero as a character very well. I felt you excelled in your pacing of the combat. Your second post was superior to your first as well, although you probably didn't need the asterisk and massive amount of space. It just made me quirk my brow.
End: These were both some great posts. I advise both of you to glance over your work to catch any subversion errors in grammar that hide from even the most skilled writers (if only everyone would do this, myself included). The fight itself was very entertaining—it felt like a genuine match in the TB from the anime, and for that, I applaud you both, although I wish it would have been less entertaining, as it would have made the decision less nerve-wracking. In the end, I lean toward Aero.
Belle: I thought your strongest work was the second half of your first post and the first half of your second post. It was well-paced and kept me engaged in what was going on as a reader. The break in the middle with the humor was funny, but it pulled me out of the scene. For me as a reader, it killed the momentum I saw you building and made the end of your second post less dramatic than it would have been if everything had been working up to that point. Your use of the NPC didn't bother me a whole lot.
Aero: Too many parenthetical citations in your writing. More than one in a post always leaves me furrowing my brow. You can always try to incorporate them in more varied fashions if you like them as a staple (perhaps make some of them into internal quips or whatnot, it will keep them from jarring the reader, I suppose). I do like the style of your writing. It reflects Aero as a character very well. I felt you excelled in your pacing of the combat. Your second post was superior to your first as well, although you probably didn't need the asterisk and massive amount of space. It just made me quirk my brow.
End: These were both some great posts. I advise both of you to glance over your work to catch any subversion errors in grammar that hide from even the most skilled writers (if only everyone would do this, myself included). The fight itself was very entertaining—it felt like a genuine match in the TB from the anime, and for that, I applaud you both, although I wish it would have been less entertaining, as it would have made the decision less nerve-wracking. In the end, I lean toward Aero.
![[Image: edwardreynolds1.jpg]](http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/7382/edwardreynolds1.jpg)