03-22-2011, 08:16 PM
Fine... To attempt to elaborate...The flow was good without the flip flopping and the brackets(its what google called them, sorry. I had a brain malfunction on the correct term for the moment.)... But reading what you put in the parenthesis ruined a lot if it for you in my book, as well as the wrestling comment following one of them. You used 'wrestling' as a way to describe something DBZ-esque
The 'Mother fucker' thing... Well That's also a problem... From what I read I know nothing of your character at all... aside from the fact he is most likely a foul mouthed prick?
In my opinion there is very little.... character in what I read...
And for the record: I hate doing this because I am NO where close to being someone with authority on writing
The 'Mother fucker' thing... Well That's also a problem... From what I read I know nothing of your character at all... aside from the fact he is most likely a foul mouthed prick?
In my opinion there is very little.... character in what I read...
And for the record: I hate doing this because I am NO where close to being someone with authority on writing
![[Image: ChubbsMal.png]](http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s174/havik_album/ChubbsMal.png)
Reb: ya know
Reb: I think you're a fucking moron OOC
Reb: but I have to hand it to you
Reb: you've become a really great writer