03-23-2011, 01:06 AM
Alexander Trafford:
I really liked the high level of writing you brought to the table. You character didn't seem forced, you didn't have to put much real effort into reading it, and it didn't seem like you had to work too hard at writing it either. It just seemed very fluid and natural, and I really appreciate that kind of character immersion. I do feel like there was a bit of a lack of action in the fight, for it being a fight and all. Things did happen, but it didn't seem to be a riveting fight between the two, rather exposition about the two characters fighting decorated with sprinkles of things actually going on. I think that can be a good thing, but I'd like to see you find a little more a balance there.
Shou:
I had a little bit of a hard time following exactly what you were trying to do with your character in certain scenes. It seems like certain things need some more description or discussion for me to really understand what's happening. Like the scene with the armani suit and it getting on the grass was pretty confusing to me. I assume he did the thing where he portalled his arms through or used psychokinesis or something, but flowering up the text with a bit of explanation would have been really helpful as a reader. that said, I liked the action that you put up in your posts, attempting to keep the pace up and put the pauses in the flow in the right places, and that's very very good in these kinds of circumstances. You got through a bit of your character with his attempts at humor and etc, and I'd really love to see you really expand into that role in the future!
Overall, I have to hand it to Alexander Trafford. He just carried the role and made it a very fun and easy read to go through.
I really liked the high level of writing you brought to the table. You character didn't seem forced, you didn't have to put much real effort into reading it, and it didn't seem like you had to work too hard at writing it either. It just seemed very fluid and natural, and I really appreciate that kind of character immersion. I do feel like there was a bit of a lack of action in the fight, for it being a fight and all. Things did happen, but it didn't seem to be a riveting fight between the two, rather exposition about the two characters fighting decorated with sprinkles of things actually going on. I think that can be a good thing, but I'd like to see you find a little more a balance there.
Shou:
I had a little bit of a hard time following exactly what you were trying to do with your character in certain scenes. It seems like certain things need some more description or discussion for me to really understand what's happening. Like the scene with the armani suit and it getting on the grass was pretty confusing to me. I assume he did the thing where he portalled his arms through or used psychokinesis or something, but flowering up the text with a bit of explanation would have been really helpful as a reader. that said, I liked the action that you put up in your posts, attempting to keep the pace up and put the pauses in the flow in the right places, and that's very very good in these kinds of circumstances. You got through a bit of your character with his attempts at humor and etc, and I'd really love to see you really expand into that role in the future!
Overall, I have to hand it to Alexander Trafford. He just carried the role and made it a very fun and easy read to go through.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]