03-23-2011, 10:55 PM
Words cannot express how angry I am that this site keeps on dumping everything I type. Startin to piss me off a little bit. Anyways.
I think that the thing I want to see the most from your writing is more time spent on each scene. You seem to rush through each post, not really spending enough time on descriptive details or really establishing the scene. For example, I have no idea what the house he's staying in looks like, I don't know any colors or have a description of Isabella other than her hair color. I think if you spent more time on ever scene, really ruminated there and showed us what the scene looked like, gave us sights, sounds, tastes in the air and little glimpses from what you see in the theater of your mind it would all be greatly improved. I wanna read your stuff and have the scene bubble out around me, I wanna see what Vad sees and feels.
I think that is the same problem with a lot of your fights. I feel like you sorta rush through them and that either leaves them too vague and confusing or too bland and point-to-point.
That said, I really love that I can read your writing and hear your character's voices. I understand the conflicts that Vad is going through just because I know his character. I think that one of the reasons that you do rush is because you're invested in the characters and you know them very well. You see and understand the scenes and you just kinda wanna write through it before you forget it or have to do too much work with each piece. I really want to see you paint a picture and show us more what things are like through Vad. If that happened, it would lengthen your posts (which I think would help you,) really draw the reader in and help us understand what is going on.
I think that the thing I want to see the most from your writing is more time spent on each scene. You seem to rush through each post, not really spending enough time on descriptive details or really establishing the scene. For example, I have no idea what the house he's staying in looks like, I don't know any colors or have a description of Isabella other than her hair color. I think if you spent more time on ever scene, really ruminated there and showed us what the scene looked like, gave us sights, sounds, tastes in the air and little glimpses from what you see in the theater of your mind it would all be greatly improved. I wanna read your stuff and have the scene bubble out around me, I wanna see what Vad sees and feels.
I think that is the same problem with a lot of your fights. I feel like you sorta rush through them and that either leaves them too vague and confusing or too bland and point-to-point.
That said, I really love that I can read your writing and hear your character's voices. I understand the conflicts that Vad is going through just because I know his character. I think that one of the reasons that you do rush is because you're invested in the characters and you know them very well. You see and understand the scenes and you just kinda wanna write through it before you forget it or have to do too much work with each piece. I really want to see you paint a picture and show us more what things are like through Vad. If that happened, it would lengthen your posts (which I think would help you,) really draw the reader in and help us understand what is going on.
![[Image: orsalis2.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v288/KrimTheUnsettler/orsalis2.jpg)