03-24-2011, 02:02 AM
It was really good, I liked the end of the post, it gave that mysterious feel. I think that once you dig into the character, form him, and give depth to him, it will be even better.
A few things I could point out. It's always good for variety to use more than just his name. So instead of always saying Kole, say "the youth" or "the orphan" whichever. Don't over do it, find a balance. It just helps for the flow of a RP.
I'm going to recommend you check out this guide if you haven't seen it yet: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17671
Other than that, maybe working on giving more description to the scenes, it was a good read. Looking forward to more.
A few things I could point out. It's always good for variety to use more than just his name. So instead of always saying Kole, say "the youth" or "the orphan" whichever. Don't over do it, find a balance. It just helps for the flow of a RP.
I'm going to recommend you check out this guide if you haven't seen it yet: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17671
Other than that, maybe working on giving more description to the scenes, it was a good read. Looking forward to more.
![[Image: VictoriaJuly.jpg]](http://rpnexus.com/sig/miscsig/VictoriaJuly.jpg)
![[Image: ManSoldWorld.png]](http://rpnexus.com/sig/UG/ManSoldWorld.png)