Sheesh, over two days and no C&C? Shame on all of us!
Orsalis: Starting with the good, I noticed you like using alliteration, specifically "black blades bared" and stuff. I love that specific writing device, so, thumbs up for that. As well, you did a great job of describing the gross images you get when you fight a regenerator. Now the not so good. For starters, Edward wasn't the "Warlock." That was Shane. Then there's the usual "you should probably read over these before posting them" comment. I usually don't either, but it helps me avoid common mistakes like using "too" over "two" or adding an extra "and" when it's not needed. Overall, good stuff.
Edward: I noticed you varied the size of your paragraphs, something a lot of people mentioned last time. Just letting you know we know you noticed us noticing that. The humor was good too, though sometimes it felt a little forced, like you were trying to cram every pop-culture reference or meme you could all at once. Moderation is good (though I lol'd at Hammer Time, those jokes always get me). As well, most of your writing was solid, with a typo or misplaced word here and there. Also, you like to use the word "maw" don't you? It's ok, I do too.
A side note for both of you. What does "kip" mean? I looked it up and it was like, "sleep", but you guys were using it like "kick" or something. I thought it was a typo but you both used it the same way. I hope they didn't make a new word on me and I'm out of the loop. That, or Edward was just making fun of Orsalis' mistakes.
My vote will turn towards Edward.
Orsalis: Starting with the good, I noticed you like using alliteration, specifically "black blades bared" and stuff. I love that specific writing device, so, thumbs up for that. As well, you did a great job of describing the gross images you get when you fight a regenerator. Now the not so good. For starters, Edward wasn't the "Warlock." That was Shane. Then there's the usual "you should probably read over these before posting them" comment. I usually don't either, but it helps me avoid common mistakes like using "too" over "two" or adding an extra "and" when it's not needed. Overall, good stuff.
Edward: I noticed you varied the size of your paragraphs, something a lot of people mentioned last time. Just letting you know we know you noticed us noticing that. The humor was good too, though sometimes it felt a little forced, like you were trying to cram every pop-culture reference or meme you could all at once. Moderation is good (though I lol'd at Hammer Time, those jokes always get me). As well, most of your writing was solid, with a typo or misplaced word here and there. Also, you like to use the word "maw" don't you? It's ok, I do too.
A side note for both of you. What does "kip" mean? I looked it up and it was like, "sleep", but you guys were using it like "kick" or something. I thought it was a typo but you both used it the same way. I hope they didn't make a new word on me and I'm out of the loop. That, or Edward was just making fun of Orsalis' mistakes.
My vote will turn towards Edward.
![[Image: jd-1.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v234/waffuru/jd-1.jpg)
"I would happily blow 20 guys in an alley with bleedy dicks so I could
get AIDS then fuck a deer and kill it with my AIDS." - Louis C.K.
thanks waff
Kaden Wrote:I wish being ten John Does made me feel better than it actually does.