04-07-2011, 06:32 AM
Jesus Christ that got violent in a hurry.
Most of what I was going to say had already been said, particularly by Alexander. I'll just echo the sentiment that Edward seems like the better writer mechanically and stylistically, but suffered from what seemed to be forced attempts at humor that overshadowed the genuinely funny moments. I'd recommend not using pop-culture references in your posts at all if you can avoid it; I felt like I was being pandered to, which ain't cool. Also, your first post seemed to be just occupying space - I could skip it and not really feel like I missed anything.
Ors pushed the narrative along for the first bit. I felt that your style suffered from a little bit of the purple prose - not too much, but there were definitely some sentences that just stuck out as plain odd. Your character was brought out fairly well through the writing, though, like Edward's. And like Trafford said, the way you went about it put this crazy maniac as the 'hero' of this decidedly unheroic battle.
Both writers did well, here. It's actually extremely difficult for me to choose which one. Edward had awesome moments in his posts where I smiled when I read them, and better technically throughout. Ors was better at painting with words, consistently good overall, but didn't feel like he had those moments of excellence that really jumped off the page like Edward's.
If Edward had reigned in his Funnies a bit, this decision would be easy. But I can't judge him based on what he might do next round - I've got to judge based on the current one. And for the current round, I think Orsalis has got it.
Most of what I was going to say had already been said, particularly by Alexander. I'll just echo the sentiment that Edward seems like the better writer mechanically and stylistically, but suffered from what seemed to be forced attempts at humor that overshadowed the genuinely funny moments. I'd recommend not using pop-culture references in your posts at all if you can avoid it; I felt like I was being pandered to, which ain't cool. Also, your first post seemed to be just occupying space - I could skip it and not really feel like I missed anything.
Ors pushed the narrative along for the first bit. I felt that your style suffered from a little bit of the purple prose - not too much, but there were definitely some sentences that just stuck out as plain odd. Your character was brought out fairly well through the writing, though, like Edward's. And like Trafford said, the way you went about it put this crazy maniac as the 'hero' of this decidedly unheroic battle.
Both writers did well, here. It's actually extremely difficult for me to choose which one. Edward had awesome moments in his posts where I smiled when I read them, and better technically throughout. Ors was better at painting with words, consistently good overall, but didn't feel like he had those moments of excellence that really jumped off the page like Edward's.
If Edward had reigned in his Funnies a bit, this decision would be easy. But I can't judge him based on what he might do next round - I've got to judge based on the current one. And for the current round, I think Orsalis has got it.
![[Image: Bellesig6-1.jpg]](http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff137/catseye543/Bellesig6-1.jpg)