BT1[SF] - John Doe v Orsalis Review

[Alexander Trafford]

John Doe: These posts were much better than your first fight, and I am so, so glad that you did away with Doell. It was sort of cute/unique/funny at first, but it died out really quick. You make grammatical errors in some places, and sometimes your sentences are worded awkwardly, in such a way that the reader has to reread the whole sentence twice, or sometimes even three times, to fully understand what's happening. At other points you jump around and I have trouble following the action, but that's coming from a writer who details everything slowly and steadily, so, to each his own i guess.

You have a good grasp on your character and an interesting attention to detail which is both fascinating and interesting. Your sentence structure varies and your word choice is superb in places. I enjoy your writing style in general. I like the first part of your first post, where you're reentering the fight, the best, as well as the second post. The rest of the first post didn't really do anything for me.

An explosion swelled and discharged between the two combatants, flinging both in opposite courses. The arena trembled with tree-bending force, another crater added to the worn-out stadium. Giant, dark haze of burning billows climbed...

Here's an example of something I didn't like. On opposite courses or in opposite directions would sound better. The second sentence uses a neat but strange description, which is fine, but i had to reread the connection between the first and second part of the sentence. I didn't like the descriptive start to the third sentence.

Orsalis: You love describing gore, almost to a point where it takes away from the post because you spend so much time describing the gore itself. I understood the need to describe some of carving up Doe's face, but it carried on a bit too long. That and grammatical errors were really my only critique. You push the action, you carry out fights in a creative and unique way, you don't just use the same method/strategy in each fight, which is good. In your second post your descriptions and your word choice were really good, especially in comparison to the first post, it stuck out in a good way.

The reflection in the second post almost seemed forced, perhaps because I didn't fully understand what was happening beforehand, but the reflection itself and how you tied it in afterwards to the end of the fight, and how the whole falling star bit reflected back onto something that happened earlier was really cool.

I didn't like how the second post immediately jumped into something, it almost seemed, at first, as if you didn't read the end of Doe's post, but that was just my opinion. I'm a slow starter to posts, so, ya know.

Vote: Undecided I'll go back over everything and vote tomorrow.

But I thought that the posts went like this:

Orsalis 2 > John Doe 2 > John Doe 1 > Orsalis 1

Edit: Orsalis