[C&C] Please?

[Shun]

Not as bad as I'd assumed considering how you introduced it but then again everyone is their own worst critic.

The idea of your guy being a retriever is cool, it's almost like he's an enforcer for the mob or something. What I don't get is how he resembled a gargoyle then just didn't. Was that just the target's mind playing tricks on him?

Now the thing the stuck out to me most was out of all that you don't see what Iykos is actually feeling or thinking. His speech interaction was the same with the target as the mob boss and the super. The most you learn about him is he likes the smell of cherry blossom, doesn't have a bank account and wants new clothes.

I'm not saying your rp was bad because I though it was really interesting how you were able to describe your actions. Just perhaps focus more of an effort into developing an actual personality for your character.

Besides that and the occasional grammatical error that happens to the best of us, you've done a fine job. In my opinion at least.

Edit: One more thing.

“There it is,” the other said with a dry tone, seemingly aggravated by what the other had said.

In situations like this you might want to make it a little more clear who's actually speaking.