[C&C] Please?

[Iykos]

At the point in the quote, the things in your statement that I wound up reading first, I think I was still slightly buzzed, or just plain tired. I get that way sometimes. The gargoyle thing was more of a reference to a statue that is perched on the edge of the top of a building, much like a gargoyle.

I'm also trying to ease in on the character building, something that I always have a problem with. I guess I'm trying to ease in from a third person binding of an onlooker to truly being inside of his head. Also, the beginning of a story, for me, is one the hardest things to do. Instead of fully going into detail about how ever drop of rain felt like a stinging pellet the size of bullets to the minor character, I went with a slightly less degree. More out of less was what I was thinking, I guess.

Also on the quote, I have been picked at by staff and fellow readers in the past on sites like Senkai and AD/FoF for repetitive use of names or pronouns for each character. I've tried using descriptions for the people speaking, but it just doesn't feel right to me to constantly do that. I'm also still thinking about the next post for my personal story.