03-28-2005, 03:11 AM
I had a big long advice thing for you...but then I lost it, and I am too involved in sopemthing I am currently writing to re-think of everything I was trying to post.
Basicaly, you need to elaborate in some parts. Such as when you trun around to fac ethe two imps, you shoudl try to get out why he is doing this; what are his thoughts and feelings at this moment? Also, you start out to fast. Don't really have naything ahppen at the beginnig, even if it is just rocks falling, you should have stuck to just him flying around, and describe the scenery a bit.
There is a thesaurus here.
Basicaly, you need to elaborate in some parts. Such as when you trun around to fac ethe two imps, you shoudl try to get out why he is doing this; what are his thoughts and feelings at this moment? Also, you start out to fast. Don't really have naything ahppen at the beginnig, even if it is just rocks falling, you should have stuck to just him flying around, and describe the scenery a bit.
There is a thesaurus here.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
![[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/hf17/HFSeventeen.jpg)