Jokes...

[Violet]

My personal favorite. Only because something like this has happened....>.>;;


THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated
by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice
and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.

Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was
not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of
the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and
tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the
smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and
decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home.
Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as
he left the cafe the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and
poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the
frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.

Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and
was seized with a terrible urgency. He waited just outside his front door
to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly
exclaimed, "Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for
you." She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the
table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She
made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the
phone.



When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg
and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin and began to fan the
air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge.
He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and
smelled so bad that he started
gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to
normal when he felt another powerful urge. He shifted his weight to the
other leg and let go. This was the prize-winner. The windows rattled, the
dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were
dead.

While keeping one ear on the conversation in the hallway, he continued like
this for the next 15 or 20 minutes, fanning away each time with his napkin.
When the sounds of farewells indicated the end of the telephone
conversation, he neatly laid his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on
top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his
wife returned to the room.

Apologizing for talking so long, she asked if he had peeked. After
assuring her that he had not, she removed the blindfold, revealing the
dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!