10-30-2005, 02:41 AM
Well, you've sucessfully redefined how you show the reader the scene. I could imagine everything as it played out in the storyline. Very good description, and allowed us to imagine exactly how everything looked.
However, there are only one part I sort of stumbled over. I think perhaps you overdid your description of "the Lord's" helmet, by describing the spikes to no end. Unless the helmet is really important, I just found it hard to keep up with it all and still allow myself to see what you were talking about.
However, otherwise, I can't wait to see where you go with this next. You've done some foreshadowing, but left an unknown past (with how the cannons were still hot) as well as a foggy future. Makes you want to know what happens next.
However, there are only one part I sort of stumbled over. I think perhaps you overdid your description of "the Lord's" helmet, by describing the spikes to no end. Unless the helmet is really important, I just found it hard to keep up with it all and still allow myself to see what you were talking about.
However, otherwise, I can't wait to see where you go with this next. You've done some foreshadowing, but left an unknown past (with how the cannons were still hot) as well as a foggy future. Makes you want to know what happens next.
![[Image: Ruhiel.png]](http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q218/Aerogfx/sigs/Ruhiel.png)