The CDBZ Roast - Raditzu

[Burter]

Alright, our first roaster is one of the CDBZ's funniest teenagers. He's been here just a couple months shorter then me, and still matters about half as much.

I've read his roast, it's gonna be great so here is Garlic Jr.


GARLIC JR

Two things struck me when I discovered Raditz was up to be roasted. The first of course was that I could totally go for some tacos. You see I like me some tacos. Tacos are what some scientists call, and forgive me for throwing an industry term out there, ?yumalishious?. So I drove over to El Taco Bell and got me one. A little sour cream some hot sauce(see mule diarrhea) later and I was in heavily processed faux Mexican heaven.

Now I?m sure at this point you are wondering what the hell this has to do with Rad. Shut the fuck up I?m getting there.

So Ima munching me some tortilla wrapped meats, having a good time, when the second thing struck me? and then there was a shift. A shift is the only true way to describe it. The cosmos themselves rearranged, as if bracing themselves for the mighty events forthcoming. Reality seemed to bend around my anus. I felt my bowels contract? I doubled over and dropped my taco, stumbling haphazardly to the porcelain shine. I knew this was the one. When my almighty load burst forth the very foundations of existence buckled, yet held firm. When finally my muscles regained their strength I stood and observed my handiwork. It was the spitting image of Raditzu himself, in the form of one lonely turd amongst my ass juice. This was too much; I simply had to save it. I called for a napkin and wrapped up Rad Junior lovingly. On my way out I snatched my fallen taco and headed to my car.

So that brings me to the present. Now? I had the turd to show you but I?m pretty sure one of Raditzu?s relatives swiped it on the way back about the same time as my rims went missing. You?ll have to settle for a crude rendering of it in paint.

Now Rad I got a question here. How the hell did you make it to the top? (and when I say top I mean Reijin and VJ don?t count) I?m sorry let me rephrase, how many dicks did you have to suck to get to the top? I mean I?m sure you did some? er?. useful stuff back in the day? you know... being the bitch and all... but honestly. The amount of work you do right now amounts to telling the ?lesser? staff to shut the hell up and get off your lawn. It?s hard to discern and clear purpose you serve in between you posting the typed equivalent of blowing your load all over the boards.

XTREME
XTREME
WAFFLE
XTREMEHey, get back to work
TACOWAFFLE
TODAMAX!
MAN I?M COOL HUH GUYS?

You?re sole form of humor is merely restating that one fact you seem to hold close to your bosom. ?Man I?m Cool.? You even had to add a U to the end of your name. Just cuz yer kewl.Could this be a hard fa?ade to hide the soft underbelly of a socially inept, morally confused nerd? A stretch I?m sure to find a nerd on a DBZ RPG but you lead me to wonder. Speaking of nerdom. 7 Years? 7 fucking years? I haven?t hit three and I?m this close to slitting my wrists over it. Hang up the torch man. When a person spends 7 odd years on a god damned website pretending to be a cartoon character I believe that is grounds for being lead behind the shack and shot. It?s for your own good really.

Okay, that?s it I?m done. Its late, and I need to get to bed. Rad? Raditzu my boy?.you?re a great guy. You helped hold this site together through thick and thin, bad and worse. Without you, one has to wonder if there even would be a Chubb?s in any form anymore. One also has to wonder if that is a good thing.

Keep on truckin?.