12-03-2006, 05:11 AM
Alright, well, it looks good except for a few things. =P
Your second move may not be passable. It looks an awful lot like telekinesis (moving things with your mind). I know it's not exactly the same, but, I'll need another staff to clarify on whether that move is ok or not.
Your RP sample...
It's also passable, but there are a few things you could work on. Try and watch small spelling errors...for instance, you mispelled 'through' as 'threw'. Do you type your posts in Microsoft Word? Because that helps immensely.
Also, where you used terms such as:
The word 'said' could be replaced by something similiar, that desribes the way he talks in much more detail. Such as:
Another staff'll have to get to you, but once either A) the move is approved or B) the move is changed, you'll probably be good to register. So, while you wait, try and have a backup move available.
=)
Your second move may not be passable. It looks an awful lot like telekinesis (moving things with your mind). I know it's not exactly the same, but, I'll need another staff to clarify on whether that move is ok or not.
Your RP sample...
It's also passable, but there are a few things you could work on. Try and watch small spelling errors...for instance, you mispelled 'through' as 'threw'. Do you type your posts in Microsoft Word? Because that helps immensely.
Also, where you used terms such as:
Quote:"BLAH BLAH," Ginyu said.
The word 'said' could be replaced by something similiar, that desribes the way he talks in much more detail. Such as:
Quote:"BLAH BLAH!" Ginyu exclaimed, raising his voice to its fullest tone.
Another staff'll have to get to you, but once either A) the move is approved or B) the move is changed, you'll probably be good to register. So, while you wait, try and have a backup move available.
=)
![[Image: Celsigcopy-1.jpg]](http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b330/KiroX2/Celsigcopy-1.jpg)
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams
Telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems