01-25-2006, 02:21 AM
It was interesting, but felt overdone. You had a specific, vibrant scene in your mind, but I think you tried to write about the scene instead of allowing the scene to escape through your pencil. I know that might sound awkward and figurative, but it's the best I've got right now.
From a technical standpoint, it was a good post. I'm not the biggest fan of poetic imagery in prose, but that's just a personal opinion.
The definite thing that stuck out to me was the dialogue. It felt a little awkward and unnatural. Dialogue comes tough to some and easy to others. I don't know if this is one of your weaknesses, or if it was just this post, but if you struggle in this area, the best advice is to simply listen to people talk. Then, strip it down into what is important, and make every word count.
8/10.
http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post190540
From a technical standpoint, it was a good post. I'm not the biggest fan of poetic imagery in prose, but that's just a personal opinion.
The definite thing that stuck out to me was the dialogue. It felt a little awkward and unnatural. Dialogue comes tough to some and easy to others. I don't know if this is one of your weaknesses, or if it was just this post, but if you struggle in this area, the best advice is to simply listen to people talk. Then, strip it down into what is important, and make every word count.
8/10.
http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post190540
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Mal Nova Wrote:I do apologize for using the word rape. There are four separate definitions for the word rape, two of which describe vegetation...