01-25-2006, 04:49 AM
I thought it was pretty good. I'd only make a couple of suggestions. First, make sure you sentences aren't too long. Like, you don't want to make too much action happen in a single sentence, because that gives a rushed, choppy feel to it. Let it flow. Second, pay attention to your vocabulary. Some of the words you used were just gorgeous, but they clashed with more simpler terms. For example, you had great description going at the start when talking about the scattering of colors in the sky, but the vocabulary became mundane in the following sentences when adding the rest of the detail to the colors.
Other than that, it was great. I hope you don't take any of the criticism the wrong way. You did an awesome job with imagery and organization, the works.
7/10.
Mine.
Other than that, it was great. I hope you don't take any of the criticism the wrong way. You did an awesome job with imagery and organization, the works.
7/10.
Mine.