12-23-2006, 03:32 PM
Sorry, the staff are doing something with Trunks that joinees cannot partake in.
Also, we write in third-person and past tense here, so the sentence "We see a women walking alone down a dark alley, the look on her face tells you that she knows she?s made the wrong turn but there?s no going back as she speeds up her steps to get home as quick as possible she hears a noise behind her that gives her a fright, she turns around only to be confronted with the horror she was fearing" should be "A woman walked alone down a dark ally; the look on her face told that she made a wrong turn, but there's [there was] no going back. As she sped up her steps to get home as quick as possible she heard a noise behind her that gave her a fright. She turned around only to be confronted with the horror she was feeling." Also, notice that my version is composed of three sentences: You had a pretty long run-on sentence there. Try again with this in mind, please.
Also, we use novel-style speech, not script-style, so you don't go "Trunks: You are safe now, do not fear me I am here to help you," you write it as "Trunks said, 'You are safe not. Do not fear me; I am here to help you.' " It seems as thought you have a problem with pucntuation. There are a fair amount of times where you need a period, comma, semi-colon, or somesuch, so try to watch out for that; Word will generally help you with those.
Also, we write in third-person and past tense here, so the sentence "We see a women walking alone down a dark alley, the look on her face tells you that she knows she?s made the wrong turn but there?s no going back as she speeds up her steps to get home as quick as possible she hears a noise behind her that gives her a fright, she turns around only to be confronted with the horror she was fearing" should be "A woman walked alone down a dark ally; the look on her face told that she made a wrong turn, but there's [there was] no going back. As she sped up her steps to get home as quick as possible she heard a noise behind her that gave her a fright. She turned around only to be confronted with the horror she was feeling." Also, notice that my version is composed of three sentences: You had a pretty long run-on sentence there. Try again with this in mind, please.
Also, we use novel-style speech, not script-style, so you don't go "Trunks: You are safe now, do not fear me I am here to help you," you write it as "Trunks said, 'You are safe not. Do not fear me; I am here to help you.' " It seems as thought you have a problem with pucntuation. There are a fair amount of times where you need a period, comma, semi-colon, or somesuch, so try to watch out for that; Word will generally help you with those.
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