02-02-2006, 10:59 PM
Ok...here's my deal. It sucked...just kidding, just kidding, it wasn't bad at all.
First and formost, silence the talking a bit. In most of your posts there is WAY too much dialog and not enough descriptions. I went through this when I first joined as well and it took a bit before I broke away from that, but you'll get it eventually.
The story is actually pretty decent, thought it's starting to become a cliche, the whole multiple personalities thing, try to think up some great ways to be origional. Minoshia so far has some of the best roleplays with multi-personalities, read some of his posts, though your rp doesn't seem too bad, so I'm sure you'll devise something to complete your unique(ness).
Overall, a 6/10. Just watch the dialog. If there had been less, you'd probably have scored an 8/10 for me, but yeah...just not enough description to keep me hooked, work on it though, I'll keep reading becuase it wasn't too bad.
First and formost, silence the talking a bit. In most of your posts there is WAY too much dialog and not enough descriptions. I went through this when I first joined as well and it took a bit before I broke away from that, but you'll get it eventually.
The story is actually pretty decent, thought it's starting to become a cliche, the whole multiple personalities thing, try to think up some great ways to be origional. Minoshia so far has some of the best roleplays with multi-personalities, read some of his posts, though your rp doesn't seem too bad, so I'm sure you'll devise something to complete your unique(ness).
Overall, a 6/10. Just watch the dialog. If there had been less, you'd probably have scored an 8/10 for me, but yeah...just not enough description to keep me hooked, work on it though, I'll keep reading becuase it wasn't too bad.