Dante's Abyss 2007 Sign-Ups

[Uno]

?Excuse me sir, I?m going to have to ask you to leave.? A young waiter was standing in front of a large, pink man. However, the overweight man was too busy eating his food to even hear the waiter. ?Sir, I?ll ask you again, you have to remove yourself from the building.?

The overweight monster finally looked up, with his face full of corn and utensils. As he shoved another roll into his mouth, he asked in a muffled gargle, ?Whazup??, before continuing to consume his food. At this point, the waiter became furious. He snatched an apple from the large pink gum wad and set it back down on what was left of the table. The large man looked up again and with an irritated tone said, ?Hey, Dodoria wa gonna eat that ?

?Sir,? the waiter began, ?you have to leave the building. You have driven away the customers with your sloppy and grotesque table manners, and you have broken or consumed much of our fine silverware. You have to leave now, or I?ll call security on you to force you out.? With a firm stomp, the waiter pointed toward the door. ?Depart!?

The large being slow rose up, dropping several food stuffs from his hands. He was over a head taller than the waiter, and looked down on him with a deranged smile. He bent down until his head was level with the waiter?s. ?Dodoria no like you big words. And Dodoria still hungry. You do fine.? With a frightened look, the waiter tried to run from the mighty pink man, but he was quickly caught. As the man screamed, Dodoria slowly opened his mouth to its full size, the size of a manhole. His lunch struggled, but the waiter could not free himself from the hungry monster?s grip. With a quick bite, the lower half of the man was consumed, and a bloodcurdling screech was heard. In a matter of moments, the young waiter was eaten alive.

Dodoria left the building and went outside, wiping his mouth of all the blood. With his stomach full, the pink monster wanted something fun to do. He glanced around for something of interest, and saw people in a large line. Dodoria drew closer, wondering what could make people wait in line so long. The only thing Dodoria waited for was food. He finally reached a two-story building with a large sign on top. ?Dante?s Abyss Sign-ups Inside,? Dodoria read aloud, ?Sounds fun.?

The overweight gumwad began pushing the other contestants aside, trying to reach the front of the line. Although many powerful fighters were lined up, Dodoria was determined to reach the sign-up stand. Some let the fat man pass, some cursed and swore, but most tried to stop him. Those who tried met the hard side of Dodoria?s fist. After several minutes and many broken noses later, the pink monster finally reached the front of the line.

There was an old man behind the sign-up table with enormously thick glasses. ?Yes? Oh, another one to try-out, eh? K, you young whippersnapper, what is yur name??

?What? Why you need know that??

?You city-folk and yur flying machines and yur questions, you never give out no information on nothing unless you have get reason. Back in my day, I?d give me house address and me key to some random stranger and wake up with all my processions gone the next day. That was the good old days. Now you got ?auto-mobiles? and ?telephones? and ?computers? and ?windows.? Back in my day...?

?Shut Hell up!? yelled the annoyed pink man. ?Dodoria, me name Dodoria. Happy now??

?Bout damn time, you young whippersnapper! Now I need to take some ?pictures? of you. Back in my day, we never had ?cameras.? We use good old fashioned dirt and sticks on some rocks to make a picture. Those were the good old days. But I digress, say ?dirt!?? After the old man finished taking the pictures, the began to pull out the video camera.

?Hey, what Dante?s Abyss bout?? asked Dodoria.

?Whabuwah?!? You be meaning to say you are going through all this and you don?t know what yur doing? You young, dumb-ass whippersnapper, this new generation seems to get dumber and stupider each passing second. Back in my day, we use leafs for paper and blood for ink. We had to walk 50 miles to get to a school, uphill, in the snow, while wild monkeys are chasing you, all the while carrying several 50 pound stone tablets for books. Now you young retards don?t even have to leave your house to get your education thanks to the ?internet.? However, you still manage to ruin that with yur ?porn? and yur ?video games.? I?d give me left nut and an eye to get that kind of information, and I mean the porn. Back in my day...?

Dodoria nearly fell asleep due to the old man?s babble. He turned his attention away from the old man to look behind him. The fighters he had beaten up had regained consciousness, and wanted revenge against the large, pink monster. Dodoria was ready to fight and kill each of them, but his stomach was churning. ?Waiter was no ripe,? the fat, sick man moaned as he felt his inside were going to come back out. He put his hand to his mouth, but it was too late. Dodoria unleashed a massive burp toward the other contestants. They tried to run away, but they couldn?t escape it. The blast blew down the front wall of the building, as well as the entire line of people and the nearby buildings. All that was left of the gas attack was a large crater.

?Well, look at that. That's showin yur stuff. And, me camera caught that whole thing. You are cleared to enter the teleporter.?

Dodoria looked at the man with a vacant look. He began scratching his head, wondering if leveling half a city was some kind of godly act. ?Urp?? asked the aftershock of Dodoria?s atomic burp. ?And what be Dante?s Abyss??

?Shut the hell up, you young whippersnapper, and just get in the teleporter. You young people never appreciate what us older people do for you. Back in my day, I always respected my parents and my elders, because I...? Not wanting to hear another story, the large pink gumwad squeezed into the teleporter, wondering where he was going and what he was going to do.

ooc: Been awhile since I RP'ed, and the first time as Dodoria. Hope it is good enough.