Yamu's Feedback Shop II

[Yamu]

Nezi:

I admire your ability to write from the character's perspective; I can really see why you chose to switch to Nezi because you are doing a lot with him. Your are doing a great job of RPing a machine, showing how it is different for him form just a run of the mill flesh and blood fighter. I especially liked

Nezi:

Pulling out a kind and gentle voice the red mecha

If you can keep doing creative things like that, you've won a fan in me.

Your style was pretty solid, only a couple points really gave me problems.

Nezi:

As soon as the tall robot was about to leave a ear shattering, nose bleeding, head splitting noise seemed to fill his surrounding. The scream was loud enough to cause Nezi, a full metal, to cringe in agony as he spewed.

Having 'ear shattering, nose bleeding, head splitting' all in one sentence is just to much. I see what you were going for but it just become a labor for the reader to really get to what you are trying to describe. Adjectives are like strong spices, use them throughout the meal but you don't want to overdue it.

Nezi:

And so place was made as the Earth shook gaining the outside fighters? attention outside but it was too late. Nezi?s deep melodic voice emitter had become activated and his voice soared as did his power.

I would not have put 'outside' twice in this, the second one is just repetitive.

Well I hope this helped, I think you are doing a great job writing from a robot's perspective and finding new and interesting ways to use it and finding ways to make a character your own is the true heart of RolePlay.