05-17-2006, 06:48 PM
The writing itself is pretty solid. You can use 3rd person, yet integrate the thoughts and feelings of your character into the writing, which is always nice.
I can't help but love BJ's character. The way he says 'please' when he asks for apple juice, and the thought that someone could be a untrustworthy doesn't even surface in his mind. It makes you go 'aww'. Kids always believe what adults tell them to be true, and you've kept that nice and realistic.
For the most part your spelling and grammar is perfect. The only exception I noted was that you used "you're" instead of "your" in one case. The fact that I brought that up shows just how desperate I am to find something to critique.
Nothing affected my understanding of the writing, anyway.
This is mainly for the first post, and your overall style. I'll definitely be waiting for more, and I can do some C&C on the plot as it develops if you like.
I can't help but love BJ's character. The way he says 'please' when he asks for apple juice, and the thought that someone could be a untrustworthy doesn't even surface in his mind. It makes you go 'aww'. Kids always believe what adults tell them to be true, and you've kept that nice and realistic.
For the most part your spelling and grammar is perfect. The only exception I noted was that you used "you're" instead of "your" in one case. The fact that I brought that up shows just how desperate I am to find something to critique.
Nothing affected my understanding of the writing, anyway.This is mainly for the first post, and your overall style. I'll definitely be waiting for more, and I can do some C&C on the plot as it develops if you like.
![[Image: superbuuelectricityne4.jpg]](http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/3128/superbuuelectricityne4.jpg)
Bra Wrote:People are dumb, essentially.