Broken Road

[Ruhiel]

What was your intent with the Robert Frost poem? A lot of people use it in the way that people assume the poem is conveying: about making different choices, and taking "the road less travelled." Although that's actually not what the poem was about. Or are you using it to convey how one must carefully make their choices, as those choices will be "all the difference" in life? Just asking, because when I saw the poem, I thought it was going to be a driving force throughout the storyline.

Portrayal of Burter Jr. is exactly how I expected a pre-teen child to act, with the naive outlook on the intentions of others. I haven't followed your writing all that closely, so I don't know if this is how your character always acts or not. How he always acts simply "because it looks fun" is a very unique character trait that really sets your character apart from pretty much every other character in this rpg.

Got the description perfectly. You didn't overdo it, and bore me, but you gave enough so that I wasn't sitting there wondering "where is he?" Got the "seedy neighborhood, dark alleys, nighttime, raining" feeling all down and good. Foreshadowing was there, although it wasn't so strong that you saw it coming a mile away.

Second post was much better than your first, I'd have to say. Both were good, but I enjoyed reading your second one much more. It just showed how Burter Jr still thought of his assassination assignment as just part of the game, and he was having fun with it. And then how he had been so confused when he realized what he was actually supposed to do.

Saw the kill coming there. But you played out Burter Jr's reaction fantastically. You didn't have to use a lot of words, but just those few sentences were capable of conveying how your character must have felt.

Look forward to seeing more on this. I haven't read much of your stuff until now, and I think I'm going to have to start.