CnC game

[Hellfighter 17]

The only syntax problem I had with yours, Eighteen was the first sentence 'The sun was not yet above its nest, the horizon was alight with the very faintest of rays, but angry clouds threatened to blot out its heavenly existence.' I think it would have been much better if there was a semi-colon rather than the first comma, otherwise there should be more of a connection between each part of the sentence, and there isn't. It really irked me, and as an opening sentence, that shouldn't happen.

As for form and content, you didn't really grab me. I had to read a sentence or two twice because I just kind of eyed over it. I think you are on the verge of making yours posts very monologue-ish, but you are holding back, which is also holding back your writing. If you find yourself naturally thinking in monologue, then write like that and see where it takes you. Hopefully I am not too off-base.

Short, but, hopefully, sweet.

EDIT: Fuck you. One second. Okay, for Bujin:

'The azure competitor grudgingly trotted along a path that he was making himself' came off as so ...contrived. For a single sentence it ruins the beginning flow of a post.

After that, I noticed that you seemed to be trying integrate some humour into your RP with 'causing the midget to hit the back of his head on the ground,' but I was disappointed that you didn't roll with it. However, the humour soon started to build up, and I am not sure whether it was on purpose or not, but at the end it left me feeling quite entertained. I didn't laugh or really smile - it was more subtle and satisfying than that. I also like how you are roleplaying with the weapon, building a kind of relationship with it. If you plan to go solo, I think you could pull it off.