06-13-2006, 05:24 AM
We'll make a decent roleplayer out of you yet. You're on the uphill slope.
If 'cranium' is a big word for him, Buukin is a little too eloquent sometimes. You don't have to make him stupid, but dialogue like 'riddled with rage' doesn't sit well with me when I think of how he acts and speaks. Maybe I have a misinterpretation of your character, but I try to look at the fine details.
That's a contradiction. If his mouth is gaping wide, it's already open. I understand the expression you're trying to use, so it's okay.
You've got pretty big potential, and you're the best Panbuukin I've ever seen, and we've had a lot of 'em. Don't you dare switch characters. I will keel you.
Also, if I ever met your character, I've decided I would call him Bucket. It just came to me one day. Yes, Bucket...
If 'cranium' is a big word for him, Buukin is a little too eloquent sometimes. You don't have to make him stupid, but dialogue like 'riddled with rage' doesn't sit well with me when I think of how he acts and speaks. Maybe I have a misinterpretation of your character, but I try to look at the fine details.
Quote:Originally written by Panbuukin
Puar was about to open his wide gaping mouth...
That's a contradiction. If his mouth is gaping wide, it's already open. I understand the expression you're trying to use, so it's okay.
You've got pretty big potential, and you're the best Panbuukin I've ever seen, and we've had a lot of 'em. Don't you dare switch characters. I will keel you.
Also, if I ever met your character, I've decided I would call him Bucket. It just came to me one day. Yes, Bucket...
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_