06-21-2006, 11:39 AM
If you're going to request multiple C&C, I suggest you only pick the most important intervals or parts you really want it on.
That sentence is weird. Like, it seems incomplete to me somehow. "Mouths were opening..." and "continuing rapidly between several" feel like they have parts missing.
"Raging Reijin." That's cool. I like that. "The Ragin' Reijin." Sort of like "Ragin' Cajun," but more repetitive.
Good realism, too. We all know everybody sings karaoke when they're alone, and they do it horribly. That's why they only do it when they're alone. Because they know it. Nice touch incorporating the title of the song with a relevant scene. Also, the bit leading into the drinking of the soda (or whatever it was) was great misdirection. Good job.
Quote:Originally written by Hellfighter 17
Mouths were opening and continuing rapidly between several, but there were no sounds.
That sentence is weird. Like, it seems incomplete to me somehow. "Mouths were opening..." and "continuing rapidly between several" feel like they have parts missing.
"Raging Reijin." That's cool. I like that. "The Ragin' Reijin." Sort of like "Ragin' Cajun," but more repetitive.
Good realism, too. We all know everybody sings karaoke when they're alone, and they do it horribly. That's why they only do it when they're alone. Because they know it. Nice touch incorporating the title of the song with a relevant scene. Also, the bit leading into the drinking of the soda (or whatever it was) was great misdirection. Good job.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_