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Yo, yo

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Yo, yo
Hellfighter 17 Offline
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Posts: 66
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Joined: Aug 2004
#7
07-20-2006, 04:18 AM
The Sakura guess is obviously correct.

As I told Krillin, I have received rejuvination to write again. I would like criticism on my latest post, as I am not trying to break into something new--writing several characters into a storyline. I would liek to know if I am doing well in this, along with two other aspects. Is it gripping? That is; does it make you want to know more? Also, how is my diction? I'm very curious about that.

Any C&C is appreciated, though.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]
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Messages In This Thread
Yo, yo - by Hellfighter 17 - 06-20-2006, 09:55 PM
Yo, yo - by Jinpo - 06-20-2006, 10:00 PM
Yo, yo - by Hellfighter 17 - 06-20-2006, 10:01 PM
Yo, yo - by Ander - 06-21-2006, 11:39 AM
Yo, yo - by Hellfighter 17 - 06-21-2006, 07:08 PM
Yo, yo - by Yamu - 06-21-2006, 07:15 PM
Yo, yo - by Hellfighter 17 - 07-20-2006, 04:18 AM
Yo, yo - by Hellfighter 17 - 07-25-2006, 02:01 AM
Yo, yo - by Aero - 07-25-2006, 02:20 AM
Yo, yo - by Ander - 07-25-2006, 08:23 AM
Yo, yo - by Hellfighter 17 - 07-27-2006, 02:45 PM
Yo, yo - by Old Janemba - 08-02-2006, 03:50 AM

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