Yo, yo

[Ander]

Multiple Characters: You do it well. We get a little sneak peek at where David was before he was a bartender, and ties in with the two customers. They both feed off each other. It also makes me kind of wonder how David went from being a diamond thief in training to a bartender, which can be used as more fodder. You also add to the humor by having Darren spitting. I would have too. Shyit.

Gripping. Seventeen as a hilarious, suspicious drunk: that alone wanted me to keep reading. It had a certain Krillin-esque feel to it, which is a good thing and in no way meant as an insult.

Diction: You nerd. "Gas neon" and "alike in geometry." You're science-y. Like Twenty. Good description. Just be careful that you don't stray too far into terms that are jargon. The only problem I really had with was "stammered," which you used as a term of motion, when its definition is normally associated with speech. It was a nice reach, because it can be used as a synoynm for "stagger" or any such word. You are correct in its use, but I didn't like it. It didn't give me as much grab as, say, "sway" would have, as simple as it is.

Yamu's right. You have a good sense of realism.

By the way, what flavor of Smirnoff is in the flask? I can't remember.