08-26-2006, 09:44 PM
Well, unless I missed it, Namek is always day because it has two suns.
Instead of changeing the font, maybe you should italicize the thoughts.
Other then that I don't see any problem with it. YOur style of writing is decent, and I liked reading it and wasnt bored reading it.
And it looks to me like you are well on your way to creating a story, so go where your flow takes you andd develop your character.
Quote:
What the hell is a ship like that doing on this tiny insignificant planet? That ship reminds me of the kind of ship that space pirates often use.... the blonde haired alien tryed to contemplate what purpose the ship had for being on Namek.
Instead of changeing the font, maybe you should italicize the thoughts.
Other then that I don't see any problem with it. YOur style of writing is decent, and I liked reading it and wasnt bored reading it.
And it looks to me like you are well on your way to creating a story, so go where your flow takes you andd develop your character.
![[Image: ChubbsMal.png]](http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s174/havik_album/ChubbsMal.png)
Reb: ya know
Reb: I think you're a fucking moron OOC
Reb: but I have to hand it to you
Reb: you've become a really great writer