PCIII Official C&C

[Aqua]

I'll omit mentioning basic gramar stuff.

?Oh, I shoot straight it?s your ass backwards face that is crooked.? Their obvious and unsubstantiated boasting was ? an annoyance.

Brilliant use of the eclipse as stylistic reference. I really like this.

But the days of rash actions were gone. No he had to calculate this. Murder this advance party and he would alert the main force.

I know what you are going for here, but you need some sort of transition to avoid chopiness and reflect internal thought.

And aside from your last sentence (oh and the beared face of one of the heads), you didn't really use any racial content based on your enemy. Include a tail being lobbed off... or something.

Besides that, I thought it was very good. I would have liked a bit more, as the narrative was a bit hard to tell from which perspective the story was being told, but I get the basics.

Very well written ^_^

http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post276106