PCIII Official C&C

[Aqua]

My biggest critique for you Koli, is a more general one than anything else. Make sure that, while role playing your character's personality, you keep his relative power in mind. You seemed to have one that fairly well in your spar with Pan, but kind of over looked it in your interaction with Bra and Aqua. This is an easy fix as all you really need to include is a disclaimer here and there where you say something like, "Though Kollifum felt powerless next to the might Bra..." or something to that effect. This isn't anything major really, just something I've noticed.

Your writing, in general, however is fairly good.

My last (2) posts were back to back cause they were rather long.

Prophecy's Child 3: The Dragonborne