Come On. Be a Sport. Please?

[Super Buu]

I told you! I told you I'd keep my word! XD (Thanks for bugging me) Anyway, I'm going to be very hardcore on this, because you are IMO one of the best writers on Chubbs, alongside such other gems as Kibbles, Rad and Seventeen. Just my little disclaimer.

Immediately starting to read this, the only way of rewording things I can find are really personal preference and nitpicking. The first part of this C&C is going to focus entirely on the writing itself rather than story, so bear with me (or skip it if you honestly don't care, as I know some people don't >_>) Some of my ways would only be better arguably. For example, I was halfway finished writing this before I realised I could be completely wrong:

Original:

The cyan haired princess leapt out of the vessel as the canopy opened with a hiss.

My way:

As the craft opened with a hiss, the cyan-haired princess leapt out of the canopy, landing with a soft tap on the concrete floor.

One instance of "words I'd change" would be 'sleep' in the second paragraph, as you'd used it in the line before.

I would have condensed some of the earlier paragraphs. For example:
Origanal:

Discarding her tattered clothes, the young empress climbed into the shower, turned the lever to it?s hottest setting, and opened the tap, allowing the warm spray of cleansing purity to wash over her and take away the dirt, grime, and sweat of combat.

Bra stood, idle, underneath the water for several minutes, unable to bring herself to carry on as a familiar wave of depression conquered her thoughts. She sighed, and finally, a pair of shaky hands reached up for a bar of soap and a sponge.

wtfsbver:

Discarding her tattered clothes, the young empress climbed into the shower, turned the lever to it?s hottest setting, and opened the tap, allowing the warm spray of cleansing purity to wash over her and take away the dirt, grime, and sweat of combat. She stood, idle, underneath the water for several minutes, unable to bring herself to carry on as a familiar wave of depression conquered her thoughts. Finally, after a deep sigh, a pair of shaky hands reached up for a bar of soap and a sponge.

Those minor edits (bolded) also try to eliminate referring to Bra and remain on the actions. Again, personal preference.

I also agree with Rad on the ambush thing. I think it was too abrupt - you need to give the reader some kind of cue to indicate the sudden change in pace. One moment she was strolling along, and then in the same line she's been ambushed. I would have started a new paragraph for it, perhaps accompanied with some cheesy onomatapoeiac sound effect to reflect the rush of feet.

The rest of the post prawned (it ... it was good. It owned. I'm sorry ).

Inbetween now and the next post I got confused with where the disk actually was, as I thought it'd been on Bra's possession. So I had to go search, and reading your last post on Vegeta, got up to speed. Just a little note, and probably my own fault for not following your stuff properly. =P

This sentence confused me:

The heiress phased into sight between the invader closest to the researcher, and butted heads with the man, shattering his sunglasses and sending him stumbling backward, only to receive a vicious kick to the chest which hurled him into his colleagues, bowling two of them over.

For a moment I thought it was Bra who had recieved the kick. Perhaps cut it in two after he stumbles backwards, beginning a new sentence to explain the followup attack.

The rest flew by, and I was enraptured until the end. The fight scenes were very satisfying, and kept the blood pumping. I'm dying to know what's on the disk, and that's made concrete by your brilliant execution of Bra as a character. I feel like I know her, and I can believe her due to her past and what's happened. That's what makes your writing so immersive and believable.

Keep it up!