[C&C] The Pantheon: Rise of the New Gods

[Jewtastic]

You get your main point across which is good. There just seem to be some fundemental errors but nothing a second scan over wouldn't fix. I liked how you made Piccolo immediatly make sure the girl was all right, as well as the exchange between them. I enjoyed it. I wouldn't go as far as to say I think its your best work I've read, but its no where near the worse so congrats on that.

Now do me. Either one of my last two posts