07-06-2007, 07:41 PM
I give you a 5/10. You have the basics down, now its time to start working on tehcniques to make your writing flow a little better. For one, don't just use the name to describe Pan. Granddaughter of Goku, Obsidian haired female, warrioress...something else other then Pan. Also, as Baron stated, try and stray from exact powerlevels. They aren't needed.
Other then that try sprucing up your writing with some colorful words. It seems a bit cut and dry.
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Now its my turn. My last RP...the 1000 word one. Someone give me some feedback. I would link it, but I'm at work, and for some reason need to use a Proxy to see the boards, so the link would be linked through a proxy, not something I wish to make you guys travel through.
Other then that try sprucing up your writing with some colorful words. It seems a bit cut and dry.
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Now its my turn. My last RP...the 1000 word one. Someone give me some feedback. I would link it, but I'm at work, and for some reason need to use a Proxy to see the boards, so the link would be linked through a proxy, not something I wish to make you guys travel through.