[C&C] Sisterhood

[Sage]

Actually, I'm only asking for C&C on my writing, Xena's welcome to ask for his if he wants.

Been critiquing people over AIM and now I'm curious as to how mine stacks up. Thoughts and suggestions are welcome. Thanks!

[Sage]

Plz? =x

[Kaden]

I know I mentioned this in AIM, but having read through your last couple posts, I'm inclined to say it again.

You've mentioned that Sage is the definition of timid, and you've lived up to that promise. I'm very interested to see how you deal with sagas and, well, interacting with people when Sage can barely talk to someone unless she's spent most of her life around them.

And, also like I said before, the dichotomy you've created between Xena and Sage is very interesting to read. It's gotta be fun to RP the two characters off of each other.

Point being, you have a character that would be interesting to read even without a story of any kind. The fairly interesting story of "wtf is Xena even doing?" doesn't do anything to hurt the writing.

[Celena]

Only a fool wouldn't want C&C from a thread with their characters name as the header. I'd appreciate C&C on my writing as Xena.

[Sage]

So this isn't a bump (though if you have C&C it's always welcome), it's more of an explanation, and I didn't feel it needed a new thread.

Those of you reading along (assuming, of course, that someone actually is) are probably like "wtf, Sage is behaving waaay differently than established convention" in this latest post. That's because she is. It's going to be explained soon but I think it's pretty obvious.

Her personality changes significantly when she's in "doctor mode." Specifically, she's a hell of a lot more confident/forceful. Not that it lasts for very long. So, uh, you know. There you go.

[Kaden]

I was about four posts behind. Both Xena and Sage are carrying around some serious baggage. It's pretty intense.

I realized something interesting as I was reading. For the first several posts of the thread, I had an intense dislike for Xena. The arrogance and superiority complex are written very realistically. By comparison, I don't think there was any way to not like Sage. After Xena's fusion, though, the scales tipped in the other direction. While still arrogant and condescending, Xena seemed much less self-absorbed once she had fused -- though having a fatal disease can do that to someone, I'm sure. It also seemed like I had underestimated the severity of Sage's timidness.

Seeing Sage switch to doctor mode was refreshing. It was also interesting to see that she was more like Bra before her thirteenth birthday. I'm assuming that's where the forcefulness of her doctoring comes from.

EDIT: And by the way, Xena, what in the world does "gobsmacked" mean?

[Celena]

EDIT: And by the way, Xena, what in the world does "gobsmacked" mean?

lol. It's a British word that means 'utterly astonished'. I appreciate your C&C though. The reason why she's less self absorbed is because, Zasha never really had an opinion about herself, so that's the balance.

[Kaden]

I was wondering how much of Zasha you were going to let leak into Xena.

I think Xena's set up for some great self-destruction. With someone who works so hard to succeed, she's meeting with failure in having to deal with the minute going-ons of everyday life since, y'know, she can't really hop back into the lap of luxury. Hell, one could argue that the princess and "current" heir to the saiyan throne contracting a fatal and disfiguring skin disease in the first place is, like, epic fail.

[Celena]

I was wondering how much of Zasha you were going to let leak into Xena.

Pretty much all the traits Zasha had, aside from her lack of ambition, unrepresentable behavior, which was unfashionable, her lack of charisma and her uncaring nature to life.

[Kaden]

That was the other thing I was going to say!!

Sage!!! Put up a character bio!!!!

[Celena]

I've been asking him to do that for a while.

[Kaden]

You probably didn't use enough exclamation points in your requests.

[Celena]

You're probably right. I feel like I'm getting soft.

[Kaden]

"Don't go soft now!"

A million points to anyone who knows what I quoted.

[Sage]

A horrible porno?

[Kaden]

You're so wrong you made me sad.

[Sage]

Well it's kind of abrupt and disappointing but there it is. Finished this storyline (and just in time for FoF!). Thanks for reading.