For Juno

[Sullivan]

In regards to your character dilemma, picture THIS:

---

(On cinema screen)

Darkness fades into a blurry scene, with a lone figure carrying a chainsaw and walking away from a run-down town in a western atmosphere. The camera zooms and focuses on his face and he opens his eyes really fucking fast and creepily. It's KEANU REEVES IN A TRENCHCOAT.

Narrator (Morgan Freeman): The killed his family and burnt down his home, but they didn't know WHO THEY WERE DEALING WITH.

Intense snippets of action scenes involving Reeves on top of a building, in a dark pit full of tigers, and with a kangaroo wearing boxing gloves.

Narrator: THIS SUMMER, KEANU REEVES IS...JUNO. THIS TIME, ALL-SEASON PASSES ARE REVOKED FOREVER. PERMANENTLY.

Screen pans out at a wonky angle to show Reeves as Juno, staring at a cashier who's holding his bag of bread and they're in a price dispute.

Cashier: Sir, this is the DESIGNATED price!

Juno: WHAT WE PAY HERE, ECHOES THROUGH ETERNITY. YOU. SHALL. ACCEPT. MY. COUPOOOON!

Screen flashes white, and then bold gold letters in an in-your-face font drop down heavily from the top of the screen.

JUNO
Coming soon to a theater near you!

[Juno]

OMG. I love it!

[Sullivan]

Awesome. There's like, at least three personal roleplays worth of background in that concept.

<.<
>.>

[Juno]

Most of which totally involve Morgan Freeman complaining that the mic doesn't sound ominous enough. Oh, God, this takes things in a totally new direction!

[Alura]

That's pretty awesome.

[Sullivan]

Thanks. If I ever switch, I might have to put that into action.

[Kazuya]

XD

[Super Buu]

Ooo, ooo, do me next Dimitri!

(Yes, yes, sexual innuendo. I'm pointing it out now so you don't have to. I know you were going to, I can read your mind)

[Orion]

I liked the boxing kangaroo the best.

[Celena]

@ Juno. Did this film inspire you?

[Jack]

Artsy films like that piss me off.

[Sullivan]

The screen starts off black, with a slow and ominous violin piece setting a terrifying mood. Suddenly, the camera lurches to life from a watery first person view. Droplets splash on the camera as it bobs above and under the water as if the person was drowning. Then, it pans out and Jessica Alba is in the water with dyed red hair. She looks around with wide eyes and a slightly agape mouth, then shrieks as a SHARK WITH A CANNON ON ITS BACK ERUPTS FROM THE WATER!

Morgan Freeman: This winter, the waters are cold...with sharks that have cannons on their back.

A fish tail flips across the screen, followed by a massive shark body. A leather strap is around its midsection.

Freeman: Jessica Alba is, Rose. She's stranded...

Alba in a bikini swims frantically towards a decrepit and soaked wooden plank.

Freeman: She's scantily clad...

Alba adjusts her swimsuit upon reaching the plank.

Freeman: And those sharks have CANNONS!

Upon Freeman saying cannons, a boom shakes the camera and a gigantic cannonball hits the water beside Alba and sends a rippling wave that throws her into the air, screaming. The screen goes black, then a shark leaps out of the water and its mouth eats the camera. In the darkness, glowing words fizzle in and out.

SHARKS WITH CANNONS: ROSE'S STORY
Coming this winter!

[Super Buu]

Yes.

[Celena]

If Jessica Alba was Rose, that would make Zena a lesbian.

[Jack]

Uh what?

[Juno]

Yes, Zena. Eventually, Juno will be a pregnant teenage girl.

[Celena]

I wouldn't be suprised.

[Juno]

Heh. Nah, pregnancy was not fun. =P

[Super Buu]

Will it be worth it, guys, when Juno finally snaps and changes his character name in a fit of rage?

[Juno]

It will never happen. I happen to love the name Juno.