[C&C] Kaden

[Kaden]

I'm not looking for feedback on a particular thread -- though I'm not about to turn it down -- I am interested in reactions or comments about Kaden's story thus far. For those who aren't aware, Kaden made his debut in the thread Serendipity and his story has continued in Reunions and Revelations.

I'll probably be done with R&R pretty soon and didn't want to make another C&C thread when I move on to another RP thread. So... yeah.

R&R has five posts in it so far that introduce two NPCs from Kaden's past. The first is "Sheets," a fairly average friend of Kaden's from way back in Middle School. The two of them were really close friends, but haven't been in contact since Kaden seemingly vanished five years ago. Though he isn't of the highest moral calibre, Kaden still considers him his closest friend.

The second NPC is Selina. She's a very important character both to Kaden's past and present. She has a peculiar air about her, as her movements, mannerisms, and speech seem more than a little off. She met Kaden seven years prior to the events in R&R. At the end of post 4 in Reunions and Revelations, there is a link to a picture that represents Selina. I found the picture a while ago and knew I wanted to use it for this character, but opted to simply link it instead of trying to describe it. No real reason. I was probably just feeling lazy at the time.

So... yeah. Feedback is always welcome. I'll be using this thread to post updates and make any other OOC notes.

[Sage]

I have yet to read your latest post - which I assume includes Selena - but I have read up to you just having met her. I intend on getting caught up again tonight.

That said, everything around Kaden - his whole world, including his inner conflicts/resolutions - is just... incredibly realistic. I don't quite know how to explain it, but it's like you add just enough information about what's going on to clearly get your point across without actually spelling everything out.

Your description of his relationship with his shitty truck or the drywall-cubicle-thing are really good examples (I see you at least learned something from your construction job :p).

Kaden is an incredibly believable character. He's very down-to-earth in that he lives the same kind of dreary day-to-day that all of us have at least experienced once or twice before (I'm not sure if you know this, but your accounts of his courier job are so close to the real thing it's scary; it was like I was a courier all over again - ignoring the brush with organized crime, anyway >.>).

He's a likeable guy. Not arrogant, willing to lend a hand here and there, and pretty damn tenacious. His worries are very realistic; not wanting to kill people regardless of their disposition, etc. It's pretty easy to identify with him, I would have made a lot of the same decisions he did so far.

I like the way you've created his relationship with Sheets. It carries that kind of uncomfortable distance two friends who used to be really close had. I've experienced that a few times and it really sucks. Kaden's interaction with Sheets is a little less awkward, but Kaden seems to have a pretty friendly disposition - so does Sheets - so I guess that's a pretty reasonable explanation for it.

Very curious as to how his inability to harness ki properly - and that scar - turn out. I'm also very impressed on how you took an ability as... well... seemingly boring as ki sense and making it basically an integral part of your character. Kaden would be a lot less intriguing without it, so that's pretty impressive.

[Kaden]

Much appreciated, Sage.

^_^

Selina is a much less down-to-earth than anything Kaden has dealt with before. I hope she becomes a recurring character, but writing dialog for her is proving a little more difficult than I had originally anticipated.

Nothing wrong with a challenge, though.

[Sage]

The way she talks is outrageously confusing. I have no idea what she's saying but I sort of think I might know what she's saying? If that makes any sense. I think Kaden is the Twinkling Star but I'm not sure, for example.

I imagine confusion was deliberate.

What inspired her speech patterns?

[Kaden]

What inspired her speech patterns?

I really have no idea where it started. I needed a guide figure for Kaden's past as well as someone I could use to fill some potential plot holes (though some still exist, sadly) and when everything came together, that's the way she was talking. In my head, at least.

I came up with a pseudo explanation that Kaden will give later. Jumping right into the middle of it, yeah, I imagine she doesn't make much sense. There is a context to everything she's saying, but I haven't really explained it yet.

There's a lot I plan on explaining in my next post, but it seems kind of daunting. I need to do a lot of things pretty precisely.

[Kaden]

Next post up. Couple of quick notes. I changed "Selina" to "Solina." Pronunciation is pretty much the same, but it fits her motif a lot better, I think.

I also made a point of not including any dialog, and was wondering how that affected the post, if at all. Any comment to that effect would be greatly appreciated. I'm a huge fan of dialog, so... y'know... trying something new.

This is actually kind of a stalling post. I hadn't originally planned on using this scene so soon, but I thought it would be a nice way to set up some of the stuff that should happen next. We'll see, though.

[Kaden]

Finished what will be the last post of "Reunions and Revelations."

Disclosed a significant portion of Kaden's past. There's still a lot left that I haven't gotten into, but I'll take care of that later on. This definitely won't be the last time I use Solina, though I'm under decided about Sheets just yet.

[Kaden]

Was waiting for the end of FoF to post here again.

Lots of development for Kaden (and I know I'm not alone, there) in that saga. I had some posts that I'm pretty proud of as well as some very mediocre writing, but all-in-all I'm happy with the way things played out.

Any feedback about Kaden, comments or criticisms, or any of my specific posts from FoF is more than welcome.

[Kaden]

Decisions is the next step in Kaden's storyline. As far as my plan for Kaden's personal storyline, this will be a fairly small step. It will, however, be an important one.

There are some loose ends from Friend or Foe that are being tied up, and I wanted to put Kaden in a position to logically jump into the saga that Juno's running. There will probably only be one or two more posts in the thread before moving on.

[Shun]

Originally I was gunna make a complaint about some of the same word usage, not because it was bad but just because it bothered me for some reason. Then I read a little more and couldn't find any other word that would fit better.

I'm not gunna lie like I've followed all of your posts as Kaden, but from the couple I have read including these, I'm impressed at the fact that he can do nothing but still keep my attention. I also like the...impact FoF had on him. I've seen things where people mention it, then move on, but with Kaden he actually seems a bit antsy. It's almost like without actually meaning to he's freakin' out. The hand through his hair, refusing to just sit down for a minute...

That phone conversation was nice too. I'm often to caught up with the thought that the reader should hear what was said in exchange for the whole thing to go along smoothly. The way you did it though was cool, seemed more realistic. As if I was just sitting on the side overhearing it.

Don't really have criticism, lol. Can't really see anything wrong here but just felt I should comment.

[Kaden]

Much appreciated, Takeshi.

If nothing else, it's always nice to know that people are actually reading your posts.

^_^

[Kaden]

That should finish off Decisions. Nice and short. Not particularly happy with the last post. Ideally I would have waited for a bit of a spark before writing it, but oh well.

Kaden's off to Central City. After the saga, hopefully we'll find out more about this "Almagest."

[Kaden]

Huzzah! Dragonballs, here we come!

Shadow Play

[Orion]

Wow. I just had a look at that post and I don't have the attention span to read it atm, but I'll have a read at a later date and give my opinions.

[Kaden]

Much appreciated.

=D

[Orion]

You're such a bastard. It's really hard to find something to say about improving your writing style; you've obviously invested a great deal of time and thoughtfulness into your ability (although many years of practice probably helped) and I always enjoy reading your stuff. I'll probably have to nit-pick to find anything worth being critical over, but I'll do what I can.

First, the good. Kaden's a very enjoyable character. Perhaps it's just part of your writing style, but I can sort of 'feel' Raditzu in your writing, if you catch my drift. Kaden doesn't remind me of Rad per se, but there's some sort of familiarity there. Conversely, Kaden is perhaps more entertaining to read because he's not some big powerhouse like a lot of others on this site. Kaden is new to the whole DBZ scene, he can't control his Sight, and he's shit scared of heights. He's quite quirky, and very fish-out-of-water, and you make it work really well.

The only thing that really stood out to me in the bad was slight repetition. Now when I say slight, I mean it doesn't really impact your posts, but perhaps because I'm so hard on myself when it comes to reusing words and phrases, I instinctively search out for it in other people's work. I noticed that from the last two posts, you used the phrase "running his hands through his hair" enough for it to get my attention. And this probably sounds really neurotic, but you used the word 'sizeable' in two areas of your last post. Even though they were a couple of paragraphs apart, when I read the second iteration I thought, "didn't I just read that?"

Not much else for me to say there.

[Kaden]

Thanks a lot, Orion.

I try to be pretty self conscious about repetition, too. Kaden running his hand through his hair is indicative of a specific behavior, but I suppose there's no reason I couldn't just spell it out to mix it up from time to time. I'd actually never considered that before.

[Orion]

Then my life's purpose is complete! Onwards to the afterlife!

[Kaden]

Oh snap! Action abounds. That was actually a fun little fight post, but is that it? Is it over? What's in store for Belle and Kaden!?

Comments are always welcome.

[Belle Hibiki]

I'm sliding in here to ask for C&C too, if one wants to do so after responding to Kaden.

/ninja