[C&C] Orion

[Orion]

I kinda feel weird asking for this. Mostly, it's because I'm writing Orion's history in a Word document while I roleplay on the site, and I feel a great deal of understanding Orion will come when I finally post this monstrous work.

On the other hand, however, the narcissist inside of me wants to know how Orion has been received. Do you enjoy him? Do you find it a chore to read about him? What am I doing well with him? What am I sucking at, or not including? Is he interesting? Believable? Engaging?

Any feedback on Orion would be wonderful. Out of all the characters I've roleplayed in my six years on the site, I enjoy writing Orion the most.

[Kaden]

I started reading Gods and Elites, but I'm only a couple posts into it, but there are a few things I can say based on the stuff of yours I read during FoF. So I guess I'll do that now.

I don't know a whole lot about your character. I'm assuming this is the same Orion you were RPing before the switch, which is pretty cool. My general understanding of him is that he's a veteran saiyan soldier who suffered some pretty serious loses and became disillusioned with the idea of institutionalized military organizations as a result. Lemme know if that's way off, it's not based on a whole lot.

You basically have two types of posts, which isn't uncommon in a setting like Chubbs. The first is a basic "action" post. This doesn't mean that it has to involve fighting, but simply that Orion's actions are the primary focus of the post. You write well and keep these interesting, which is good (obviously) but they're not as interesting, to me, as your second type of post.

The second type is what I've been calling a "perception" post. I tried to come up with a catchier name, but couldn't be arsed, as you might say. These are the posts where the reader is, basically, inside Orion's head watching his interpretations of his surroundings. These are actually quite entertaining, because Orion isn't nearly as flat as I'd expect a "grizzled soldier" to be (I mean, let's face it, that's been done).

There was a post in FoF that really sticks out in my mind that illustrates this well. It was in the very beginning of the saga and I had made a post wherein Kaden tries to get the attention of the other Hunters to do... something, I don't exactly remember. Orion's internal response was borderline approval for a kid, a human no less, having the moxy to try and get the rest of the group to do anything (considering the rest of the group was three soldiers and a cop). His external response, though, was to basically ignore him.

While the end result wasn't exactly full of hair-raising excitement, it didn't need to be. The path to get there was interesting and informing about Orion. He didn't dismiss people, or get mired down in snap judgments about people. Normally I would find this out-of-character for a Saiyan, but I think Orion, as a character, has been able to intellectualize his race's bloodlust in a way that makes sense to the reader.

So... yeah... that's all I've got off the top of my head. I'll throw something else atcha once I've read more of your stuff.

[Orion]

My general understanding of him is that he's a veteran saiyan soldier who suffered some pretty serious loses and became disillusioned with the idea of institutionalized military organizations as a result. Lemme know if that's way off, it's not based on a whole lot.

You're pretty close. The Story of Orion will reveal of that.

You basically have two types of posts, which isn't uncommon in a setting like Chubbs. The first is a basic "action" post. This doesn't mean that it has to involve fighting, but simply that Orion's actions are the primary focus of the post. You write well and keep these interesting, which is good (obviously) but they're not as interesting, to me, as your second type of post.

That's a bit disappointing. Not that you don't like my action posts as much as my perceptions, though. I think I've realised it, and you've said it, but I've tried to weave my action with perception, and yet it seems like you've said, they turn out to be based on either one or the other. It's not a failing per se, but I think my writing would be a lot more compelling if I could consciously combine those traits.

These are actually quite entertaining, because Orion isn't nearly as flat as I'd expect a "grizzled soldier" to be (I mean, let's face it, that's been done).

Thanks.

Orion's internal response was borderline approval for a kid, a human no less, having the moxy to try and get the rest of the group to do anything (considering the rest of the group was three soldiers and a cop). His external response, though, was to basically ignore him.

While the end result wasn't exactly full of hair-raising excitement, it didn't need to be. The path to get there was interesting and informing about Orion. He didn't dismiss people, or get mired down in snap judgments about people. Normally I would find this out-of-character for a Saiyan, but I think Orion, as a character, has been able to intellectualize his race's bloodlust in a way that makes sense to the reader.

I'm glad to hear that. That's exactly how I want to portray Orion; he is still a Saiyan, through and through, but due to his past, he has gone through psychological changes that means he actually thinks with more than just his fists.

So... yeah... that's all I've got off the top of my head. I'll throw something else atcha once I've read more of your stuff.

I'll be waiting with bated breath.

[Vad]

Review FTW

First let me state that I don't have any knowledge of the previous Orion. IE: Pre reset era. I've only read Gods and Elites so I'll be basing this review off of that.

Bottom line: I enjoy Orion. I especially favor the Orion and Ares thing you've got going.

I enjoy, like I do a nice steak, the sense I get while I read your writing that he has deep knowledge of Saiyan lore that couldn't be fathomed by anyone. While some would be on edge about jumping your character into a ripe age with experience and tales to tell, I find it awesome. I long to learn more about his past and who he is as a Saiyan soldier.

I like how you're writing him. Call me crazy, but the 'action' posts that Kaden mentioned are the ones I'm drawn toward (not saying you don't either Kaden, just referencing what you meant). While description is good, I feel swamped when I read too much descriptive detail. I like balance. Anyway, I got a serious laugh (in a really good way) from the interaction between Ares and the trainers while you were using the weights. His smartass attitude is a really nice compliment to him being a veteran soldier. I don't feel overwhelmed with the fact that he's seen more combat than any other being should have.

From what I've read he's almost laid back in a way. If you annoy him he'll react, otherwise he's calm. I might be wrong, correct me if I am.

For now, this is pretty much my stance. As I read more and even as I read his history when you get it up I will definitely be posting again. Doing a good job, keep it up. *thumbs up*

[Orion]

Thanks for the review, Vad. Even if my thanks are donkey's years from when you gave it.

Has anyone followed Orion's progress through Heaven? I'd love some feed back; sometimes it feels like I'm just jumping through hoops till I can participate with the real site again.

[Jesper]

One afterlife junkie's feedback for another's?

Regardless, I'll try to get something up on this today. These IOU posts usually go unanswered, but I'll do my best. xD

[Orion]

I might have some time to read up on your Heaven stuff tonight, Soph.

[Orion]

Just finished my time in the afterlife. If anyone's been following along, I'd love to hear your opinions.

[Victoria]

I really like how you're taking your story, revealing a bad guy from his past, and adding some plot to the your rps. I also think that you're really developing him well, you have a good way of portraying his anger and pain. I loved the part where he asked to keep his damaged eye, that was great.

Aside from that, the only thing that stuck out to me was the decline in detail, but thats just personal preference. I like a little filler in the text, be it adding some to dialogue or whatever. It seemed a little watered down at the end because of that, but regardless, the whole fight scene was awesome.

That arlian was amusing lol!

[Orsalis]

Of what I've read of Wetwork so far (I'm a little ashamed to say I haven't really read anything else of yours. Orion was dead for so long he wasn't really in my spectrum of attentions), I've really enjoyed your writing style.

It has it's own humor to it, and the little things that are dipped in there amuse the hell out of me. I think it's a pretty damn accurate representation of how a character like Orion would and should be.

I'm excited to see more work from you.

[Orion]

Thanks for the kind words. I've updated my roster with my latest thread and some basic information about Orion's NOVA unit. I'd love some more feedback if anyone's been following me.

[Sigfried Hunin]

Im stoked to see that youre actively competing for the Dragonballs, for starters. That doesnt happen enough. I was thinking that I myself might go after them with Orsalis (who I really need to get back to).

I really have enjoyed your balance of introspection, movement and dialogue that you've stricken on Arlia. The way youre handling the NOVA unit is also very interesting and Im stoked to see where your character goes from here. You just have a really good grasp on your character's mind and how he works.

All in all, Im just glad to see youre back to writing as Orion now and again.

[Orion]

Thanks Sigfried. I hope to be doing more roleplaying as Orion in the future. I'm glad to see you're enjoying it so far.