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School Assignment (Mature)
#1
This assignment is about design of a story, the plot. I'd like people to read this, tell me if the first bit interested you and made you want to read more. And let me know if the plot was good.

She lay on the floor of the bathroom. Her new pajama?s that she loved so much were now stained and ruined. It grew tainted from the fresh blood that was now pooling upon the floor. Her eyes no longer held their vibrant young life. They were dark, soulless. She lay curled in her own blood, slowly her life wavered and darkness began to close in all around her. Her breathing slowed, her tears continued to run freely down her cheeks. No longer would she suffer the horrible situation she had gotten into, for her this was her freedom. With her last bit of strength she lightly touched her lower abdomen, the new life there would be free too?

Her name was Amy; she was a 17 year old girl that attended High School regularly. She had good grades, a good home, close friends and a very loving boyfriend. Her life was good, and she wouldn?t change it for the world. There was one slight problem in her life, but she took it with grace. Although her home life was good, her parents were a little demanding, and controlling. She could get away with a lot, a few parties here and there were easy to lie about, and couldn?t a girl study with her friends? But it was one lie too many, soon fate caught up with her and she knew that it was her fault.

Another night out ?studying? and Amy ended up getting a little too drunk with her friends. Her boyfriend, Jason, had come to the party with her and the night ended up going in such a way that she never knew it would change her life for the worse. A little flirting here and there didn?t hurt, but eventually she was influenced by the alcohol, as was her boyfriend, and they ended up sleeping with each other without thinking about what could happen.

That night never came up, because they were good people, they drank once in a while but their relationship had not gone that far yet. Jason still lovingly cared for Amy, and it seemed nothing had harmed what they had. As they days progressed, though, she soon realized there was actually a more horrible harm hidden from them.

She started to feel sick in the mornings, but she pushed herself to get better and continue going to school. It was an odd sickness that had come out of no where, she paid no mind to it. The truth could not hide from her forever though, the moment she found out she was late with her monthly girl problems she could only swallow the lump in her throat and hope it wasn?t true. She continued to go about her life, trying to deny what she thought could be happening.

She started to show signs, and immediately she knew she could no longer avoid the problem. Her parents couldn?t know?but she had to tell them. She already decided what to do; she would get an abortion and forget this had ever happened. She did not expect it to be so hard; her mind was set on not having a baby at her age. Immediately she told Jason, her boyfriend. They talked about it in her bedroom, he didn?t seem overly upset.

?You are going to have an abortion though, right?? He held her hand tightly, ?I don?t think I?m ready, you know, to be a father.? He looked away from her abruptly.

?Of course I am, Jason, I don?t want to be a mother either.? She smiled in spite of the situation, ?I?ll have to tell my parents, though, and I?m sure they?ll let me go through with the abortion, if they don?t?? She trailed off, they both knew what would happen if her parents didn?t allow it, but they had to.

The next day she got up to the sound of her alarm. It was not a school day, it was Sunday and she knew her parents would be home from work. This was the Gods day, and although she was not as heavily involved with the religion as her parents were, she still tried. They would go to church, and as they went through the morning she tried to think of ways to approach them with her situation. The time came after noon when they had finished their lunch and were spending time talking. Amy hesitated for a while but finally spit it out.

?I?m pregnant.? She said, and both of the parents looked at each other, ?I didn?t know for a while, but it?s showing, and Jason knows.? They held grim expressions.

?Well I guess we?ll just have to live with it, we can clear out the storage room.? Her mother replied and Amy almost didn?t understand.

?What do you mean?? Her voice sounded panicked, ?I?m not having a baby, and I?m only 17 years old!? She looked at her father, he had not spoken yet.

?Well, your mother seems to think it would be best if you had it,? was his reply, ?It would be a sin not to, would you kill your unborn child?? He frowned at her and she started to feel the anger rise within herself.

?How can you say that? I?m still a teenager; if I have this child my life will be ruined.? Her voice was rising to an angry yell.

?Calm down Amy.? Her mother said calmly, ?You have to face the consequences, and we will not allow you to have an abortion, we?ll help you raise the baby as much as we can.? And he seemed to smile at her mother.

This was too much for her to take. She shook from the anger, why were they doing this? It had been an accident, were they punishing her? They would not change their mind, so Amy took off toward her room and slammed the door. Everything she had worked hard for was going to be flushed down the drain. This child would ruin her life, she would be stuck at home, and her grades would fall. She cried the whole day; there was nothing she could do.

Later that evening she told Jason what had happened, and he seemed hesitant to comfort her. They were being thrown into this by force, they would be young parents, and would probably have to marry each other if they didn?t want a broken family. She knew what he was thinking, he would not be able to stay by her, if she didn?t get an abortion he would feel trapped. The world felt like it was falling around her.

The days went by again, she continued to go to school, though her waist size grew and she had to buy new pants. No one seemed to notice what was going on, and she hardly saw Jason either. Her parents continuously lectured her on what she had done, and how there was no way out of making up for mistakes. The stress built up on her, and she could no longer hang out with her friends, who wanted to be friends with a pregnant girl? It all piled onto her shoulders, and it seemed her parents were happier than she was about the whole thing.

Finally Amy could not bare it anymore. Her life was ruined, and there was no other way to get out of it. She waited for her parents to go out for their evening meal, which they did occasionally. There was no other way; she knew it was either to do this or to live a horrible life of failure. She slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. She had heard of people who had done this, it was their way of getting out. She had to get out, too, and so she did what others teens ended up turning to.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she grabbed the shaver she used on her legs. She struggled with the end of it, working to get the sharp blades free. It was not easy, and as she struggled she anciently cut up her fingers with the attempt. It was now or nothing, she freed the razor blade and now the tears flowed easily down her red cheeks. This was all she could do, there was no other way. Her parents would not let her live her life, and so she had to be free. She did not know if it would be painful, she did not know if she would even die from this. She only knew the stories, and she acted on them.

The pain cut through her like a knife, and she knew that she had gone deep enough to make the cut critical. She panicked and felt her heart beat wildly in her chest. The blood pumped out of the wound easily, she didn?t know what to do. Had this been a mistake? She cried and tried stopping the blood by holding her wrist with her other hand. How cold she do this? This was wrong. She cried and the blood did not stop. She had punctured a vein and she knew there would be no way out of it. She slipped from the toilet seat, the panic subsiding.

She lay on the floor of the bathroom. Her new pajama?s that she loved so much were now stained and ruined. It grew tainted from the fresh blood that was now pooling upon the floor. Her eyes no longer held their vibrant young life. They were dark, soulless. She lay curled in her own blood, slowly her life wavered and darkness began to close in all around her. Her breathing slowed, her tears continued to run freely down her cheeks. No longer would she suffer the horrible situation she had gotten into, for her this was her freedom. With her last bit of strength she lightly touched her lower abdomen, the new life there would be free too?
[Image: A18Oct.jpg]
DA08 Winner. "Screw them, this was her show now."
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#2
I dont think this should be posted on a board where there such young people here =/

I'll tell you my opinion over AIM later, as your story has seriously hit a nerve on me and I'm suddenly not in the mood to be browsing the internet

EDIT: Its good, dont get me wrong. Its just very...painful to think about, especially when similar things have gone by.
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#3
I very much like it. At the beginning it caught me for about 80% attention. The plot was good, just not as good as I thought it would be. It seemed to prove a point in some way to me, and that everybody has problems. It seemed from teh beginning that you would tell mor einto the story, sush as incidents with friends and such, but still very good. I just wish I could give you more things, but I just wished there was more story as I siad, so otherwise...it was good.

I personally do not think it was too mature or whatever.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]
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#4
I would add more but it was due yesterday lol, so I wrote it just now.
[Image: A18Oct.jpg]
DA08 Winner. "Screw them, this was her show now."
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#5
If someone asks me to I will make it longer and better, but only if I'm asked.
[Image: A18Oct.jpg]
DA08 Winner. "Screw them, this was her show now."
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#6
*asks*

I think it would be awesome if you did.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]
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#7
I might do it this weekend...after I write my book review and essay...Lol, everything piled up on me as soon as DA started.
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DA08 Winner. "Screw them, this was her show now."
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#8
Quote:Originally posted by Android-18
I might do it this weekend...after I write my book review and essay...Lol, everything piled up on me as soon as DA started.

No! Go do the other story with the guy that was in Egypt with the princess chick. That was teh shit.



Anyway, this was a good story. At first, I thought she was going to try to take the baby out herself. But wow. Good story, but it is sad and depressing. I don't think it's bad to post here especially if you are looking for criticism. If people aren't mature enough to respond in a calmly fashion *Looks at the thing he said before this* then they shouldn't respond.

But good job. I love your work.
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#9
Wow, that was good, but you should probably say how your friends left, it should happen over time, and I thought it should be longer. Though, you just threw it together, so who cares? Well done, somewhat sad to me though...
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#10
I like sad stories, they are uplifting...to me in a certain "deep", I guess you can say, way.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]
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#11
(sorry for the double post)

Where do you get your ideas from, I like writing, but need a basic outlline to roll from and create my own. Any pointers on ho wto get some good ideas?
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]
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#12
Well I've had a rough life, my poetry started when my dad died and it developed since them. I read a TON of books, and I mean a TON. I also have strong views on things and try to express them. I love fantasy stuff, and I write so much because I wish I could be there in my writing. I'm passionet, I think that's all you need, a dream and the passion.
[Image: A18Oct.jpg]
DA08 Winner. "Screw them, this was her show now."
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